Guy 1: Get the zebra one.
Guy 2: That’s kinky, man. I’m getting all hot and bothered just looking at it.
I hope they were joking.
Two Asian guys buying bed sheets
3
Tag Archives: funny
Why yes, I do have a boyfriend
His name is Television and we spend every night together.
Sometimes bus drivers are funny
When I was on the bus the other day, it was getting really full and people needed to move to the back so that other people could get on.
Bus driver: Can we keep moving back? Or I swear I’ll open this jar of wasps.
I need something from you
When I came home last night, I walked past my brother’s bedroom and we had this conversation:
Brother: Dominique.
Me: What?
Brother: Come here.
Me: Why?
Brother: I need something from you.
Me: What?
Brother: Words of encouragement.
Me: For what?
Brother: Cross country. The race is tomorrow.
Usually when someone needs something from me it’s money or help with homework or something. That may have been the first time someone’s asked me for “words of encouragement”. So I wished him good luck. That sucks that they had to run in the rain. But good for him. The only time I run willingly in the rain is to catch a bus. And I remember struggling through the 100 metre race at our mandatory track meets. No way in hell would I join cross country. And there’s my brother, willingly running long distances. Apparently they had to do laps around Garry Point Park. I wonder how he did.
The gum chewer
He chews his gum.
Loudly
and obnoxiously.
As if there is no one else around him.
As if there is only him,
his gum,
and nothing else.
And that gum is the last thing
he will ever have to chew on.
…………………………………………….
I want to punch him in the face.
What’s worse than being put on hold?
Being put on hold when the hold music is a Nickelback song. If that ever happens to me again, I’m hanging up the phone.
Life is short
Mom: Can you get your dirty feet off the pillow?
Brother: Why? Life is short.
I’m so good at understanding what people want
Customer: Do you have that paper with the squares on it?
Me: Graph paper?
Customer: Yeah.
If I had called this blog “Relevant and newsworthy”, then I would probably never post anything on here ever
Aren’t you glad I didn’t?
Fall weather
It’s nice outside
But the air is chilly
Why must the sun torment me so?
With its rays beating down,
Fabricating warmth
That quickly fades and turns into a chill.
In other words, what the hell am I supposed to wear?
