Two Asian guys buying bed sheets

Guy 1: Get the zebra one.

Guy 2: That’s kinky, man. I’m getting all hot and bothered just looking at it.

I hope they were joking.

Why yes, I do have a boyfriend

His name is Television and we spend every night together.

I need something from you

When I came home last night, I walked past my brother’s bedroom and we had this conversation:

Brother: Dominique.

Me: What?

Brother: Come here.

Me: Why?

Brother: I need something from you.

Me: What?

Brother: Words of encouragement.

Me: For what?

Brother: Cross country. The race is tomorrow.

Usually when someone needs something from me it’s money or help with homework or something. That may have been the first time someone’s asked me for “words of encouragement”. So I wished him good luck. That sucks that they had to run in the rain. But good for him. The only time I run willingly in the rain is to catch a bus. And I remember struggling through the 100 metre race at our mandatory track meets. No way in hell would I join cross country. And there’s my brother, willingly running long distances. Apparently they had to do laps around Garry Point Park. I wonder how he did.

The gum chewer

He chews his gum.

Loudly

and obnoxiously.

As if there is no one else around him.

As if there is only him,

his gum,

and nothing else.

And that gum is the last thing

he will ever have to chew on.

…………………………………………….

I want to punch him in the face.

What’s worse than being put on hold?

Being put on hold when the hold music is a Nickelback song.  If that ever happens to me again, I’m hanging up the phone.

Life is short

Mom: Can you get your dirty feet off the pillow?

Brother: Why? Life is short.

I’m so good at understanding what people want

Customer: Do you have that paper with the squares on it?

Me: Graph paper?

Customer: Yeah.

If I had called this blog “Relevant and newsworthy”, then I would probably never post anything on here ever

Aren’t you glad I didn’t?

Fall weather

It’s nice outside

But the air is chilly

Why must the sun torment me so?

With its rays beating down,

Fabricating warmth

That quickly fades and turns into a chill.

In other words, what the hell am I supposed to wear?

I wrote a new blog post everyday this month

For no apparent reason. I guess it is possible. Though it causes me to severely limit the content of each post I write.

One of the reasons I wanted to blog everyday was because I was really behind on my posts and I figured I could catch up if I wrote a new post everyday. But that sort of backfired. Because instead of writing the posts I wanted to write, I ended up writing short and stupid ones, which put me even more behind on my blogging. Fail.

At one point I said that I was about two weeks behind on my tweets, two months behind on my blog posts, and two years behind on my life. How does one catch up when one is so far behind? I haven’t yet figured that out.

Since tomorrow is October, there’s no way of knowing whether or not I will publish a new blog post. I might. Or I might not. Your guess is as good as mine.