Me: Why do I keep failing?
Friend: Because that’s what you excel at most in life.
Me: Why do I keep failing?
Friend: Because that’s what you excel at most in life.
When I was on the bus the other day, it was getting really full and people needed to move to the back so that other people could get on.
Bus driver: Can we keep moving back? Or I swear I’ll open this jar of wasps.
Being put on hold when the hold music is a Nickelback song. If that ever happens to me again, I’m hanging up the phone.
Mom: Can you get your dirty feet off the pillow?
Brother: Why? Life is short.
Guy: What do you blog about?
Me: My life.
Guy: Oh, is your life really interesting?
My birthday was over a month ago. July 31st. The same birthday as Harry Potter. In case you might want to know that. Anyway, this year, I decided to cash in on as many free birthday deals as I could find. And I think I did pretty well with it. But I’m hoping to do even better with it next year. Because I can. So why not? Everyone loves free stuff. And so I thought I would try and share the information with everyone so that you too can cash in on these great deals when your birthday comes around.
I posted on Facebook and Twitter about all the free birthday deals I got as I was getting them. And people have been asking how I managed to get all those deals. I’m pretty on top of stuff like that. Some people ridicule me for it and think I’m just really cheap, while others are actually envious and want to follow suit. This post is for those in the latter group. But it could also be for those in the former as well. Blogging about my free birthday deals is taking things a step even further, and if you enjoy ridiculing me, this will give you yet another reason to do so. You’re welcome.
I remember when I told my aunt about the free birthday meals I got, she said “I could have just bought you a meal for your birthday.” But that’s not the same thing. I wanted it to be free not in the sense that I didn’t have to pay for it, but in the sense that no one had to pay for it. That way you don’t feel like you owe anyone. It’s just better that way.
I’m going to apologize now because I’ve been rambling on and still haven’t given you any of the information you need as to how to get free birthday stuff. I’ve actually decided I’m going to break all the deals up into separate blog posts. My original intent was to put them all in one, but that would take far too long for me to write and for you to read. And no one wants that. Halfway through you’d be like “Screw it, I’m just gonna go out and buy my own Red Robin burger.” Plus this way, you’ll get to find out about a new deal everyday. Or every other day. Or however often I decide to post one, depending on how caught up I am with my blogging.
But for now, I’ll leave you with a list of places that offer free birthday deals that I was able to obtain this year. The information as to how to get these deals will soon follow in the not too distant future.
Pajo’s Fish and Chips
For some reason I thought the list was longer. But I think that’s it. There are many more deals than the ones listed above, but those are the ones that I was able to use this year. Here is a list of a few other places that offer free birthday deals but that I didn’t get the chance to use this year.
Vera’s Burger Shack
And this list goes on and on. Also note, the deals I’ve mentioned are all for Vancouver, BC. If you live elsewhere, you’ll have to do your own research. Or if you’re too lazy, tell me where you live and I’ll research it for you. Because everyone deserves free stuff on their birthday.
So Translink upset me today. What else is new? I missed three buses due to a stop being rerouted. And then there were like ten transit cops at the sky train station checking fares. Cause you know, that’s completely necessary. Not to mention there’s track maintenance tonight so trains are delayed. And then there’s those annoying people sitting in the aisle seats when the window seat is empty, not leaving room for people to sit. I went and asked a guy if I could sit there and he moved for me. But really, I shouldn’t have to ask.
Now that I’ve said my piece about that, I can get to the real issue at hand. There’s this guy on the Canada Line right now who has the worst cough I’ve ever heard. And I’ve heard some bad ones, let me tell you. I’m actually scared. He sounds like he might cough up a lung. Or worse. I’m not sure what would be worse than coughing up a lung. I don’t really want to think about it. I’m guessing it’s smoker’s cough, but I mean it must be more than that. I’ve never heard a cough before that made me afraid for my own safety.
I can’t describe in words what it sounds like. Even if you could hear me, I wouldn’t be able to properly emulate it. I would say it sounds like a dog barking, but then that would be an insult to dogs and their barking. What I wouldn’t give to hear dogs barking right now instead. It’s just this nasty, loud, throat clearing, hacking sound. Sort of cavemanish. Like grunting almost. Sometimes it’ll stop for a moment but then I’ll hear him again. I’m scared to look over at him. I’m just grateful that he’s not sitting beside me. And I really hope that whatever problem he has clears up soon. And that it’s not contagious, since the Canada Line is a rather confined space.
This is probably the saddest blog post ever written. I mean who blogs on their birthday? I should be celebrating instead. Well in my defense, I’m on a bus right now and there’s not much I can do to celebrate at the moment. I mean I suppose I could have worn a party hat or a birthday tiara and a sash or something and then told random people around me that it was my birthday. And then have a birthday cake in my lap, complete with candles. And maybe a balloon. And request that they all sing for me? But alas, I’ve missed my chance. But this does sound like a good plan for next year… Because then I’ll be a quarter of a century and that seems like the appropriate way to deal with a mid-mid-life crisis.
I suppose I shouldn’t even be on a bus on my birthday. I should have someone to drive me around instead. There’s often this sense of entitlement that people have on their birthday. There are some that go all out and want it to be the best day ever and then there are others that prefer to treat it like any other day. Because why is it such a big deal that you were born? That was completely out of your control. Everyone around you was born too. It’s really not a major accomplishment.
But birthdays are still special, even for those who choose to ignore them. If you want them to be. It’s not just a celebration of the day you were born, it’s a celebration of you and of your life. But the sense of entitlement isn’t necessary. This is the first year that I’ve worked on my birthday. Because the past few years, it has fallen on the long weekend or I’ve requested it off. And before that I was unemployed. But I don’t mind anymore. A summer birthday is nice because I never had to go to school on my birthday like so many other people. But at the same time, the day was always depressing, because it meant that summer vacation was already half over.
I wasn’t going to blog today but a few people actually asked if I was writing a birthday blog post. Granted, they were probably joking. But I figured I may as well. I’m actually behind on my blogging at the moment. There are posts I would like to write but I haven’t had the time. So stay tuned for posts better than this one about night markets, dancing, and of course, birthdays. Because there’s only so much I can say in a blog post while commuting. But I liked the alliteration of “blogging on my birthday” and decided that a random post just had to be written. I apologize if it is lacking. But hey, it’s my birthday, so even if you don’t like this post, I’m entitled to your praise and acceptance.
I heard the bus driver say “Can you please put it away?” and I looked over at the two guys in the middle of the bus who he was talking to. And then I saw what it was. It was a rat. Or a mouse? I couldn’t quite tell from where I was sitting. Which is probably a good thing since it meant I maintained my distance.
But yeah they were holding this white rat. But they listened to the driver and put it away. One guy took it and put it down his own shirt. Is it still there now? I think so. I guess he had nowhere else to put it. But ew. It’s a fucking rat. That’s disgusting to have it down your shirt. It creeps me out just thinking about it.
I’m sort of glad he did it though. Because the alternative could have been to let it run loose around the bus. And that would have freaked out a lot of people, me included. Why did they even have a rat with them on the bus? Like not in a cage or anything? Who does that? Is it just because I’m not an animal person that I don’t understand?
I’m no longer on that bus now so I don’t know what happened to the rat or the guy. His friend got off the bus before he did, so it’s just him and the rat now. The rat did what it was supposed to do and stayed out of sight. I wouldn’t have known it was there, had I not seen it before it went down the guy’s shirt. But now I’m going to be paranoid that people around me on the bus secretly have rats down their shirts.