This has been a test to determine whether or not there is a limit to the length of a blog post title. There isn’t.
If you didn’t that’s okay. I was only gone for a week. Well I wasn’t actually gone. I was still here. I just wasn’t blogging. I’ve gone longer than a week without it before, it’s no big deal, it happens. I just got busy. And then I got lazy. And then I got sick. And then I recovered. And then got lazy again. And none of those states were conducive to blogging and so I neglected to do so.
But I’m back. Even the most frequent and compulsive bloggers need a break sometimes. A couple people had mentioned to me that they could barely keep up with reading all my posts. And if people don’t have time to read them, what’s the point in writing them at such a frequency? So I thought I would do the decent thing and slow things down a little. Did it help? Are you all caught up now? Can I pick up the pace once more?
Maybe some of you didn’t even notice that I stopped. I’m sure some people may have thought “oh good, she’s finally given up on the whole blogging thing and found something better to do with her life. Thank God we no longer have to be subjected to the useless thoughts that she feels the need to type out all the time.” Well sorry to disappoint those people. I still have nothing better to do with my life.
While sickness is behind me for now, laziness and business face off as they often do. How can one be both incredibly lazy and incredibly busy at times? I don’t know, it just happens. But if you ever see a lag in my posts, you can most likely attribute it to one of the two. Either I’m not home and therefore not at my computer, or I’m home but have opted for something more productive to occupy my time with, like eating or watching TV.
In any case, just wanted to inform you that I may be resuming to my regular blogging, although perhaps not as frequent as before, to allow for my laziness and/or business. And also to allow for slow readers. They deserve some accommodations for their needs as well. Why should only speed readers be accommodated to? That wouldn’t be fair at all. And I am all about fairness. So if you missed my blogging, stay tuned for more. And if you couldn’t care less, then why are you still reading this?
This is a poem that I wrote 3 years ago when they discontinued the 98 B-Line which was my main method of transportation at the time. I thought I would share it with you now since I miss it today more than ever.
ode to the 98 b-line
i hate you
you are frequently noisy and crowded
leaving me standing many times
when i long for a seat
a few times i have fallen
that was your doing
jerking without warning
sometimes you even pass me by
claiming there is no room left
none at all
you are never around
when i need you most
leaving me waiting
you have wasted my time
when i take a different route
through no choice of my own
when i am forced to walk further
to take stairs
to board a mode of transportation
when i am forced to stand again
when there is no driver
when i have to transfer multiple times
to get to my destination
when i am lost somewhere on cambie
not knowing how to get where i need to be
when i finally figure out how to get there
only to realize i have missed the bus
when i walk all the way to granville
because i should already be there
when i miss appointments
am late for important events
because you can no longer take me there
when the skytrain breaks down
leaving me stranded
unable to leave
when i look up at the sign
and 98 b-line is no longer listed
when i search for you
and they tell me you do not exist
when you are gone from my life forever
i will miss you
I work at a bookstore. In case you didn’t already know. After graduating from UBC last year, I longed to get away from university life. And so naturally I continued working at the UBC Bookstore and am now on campus more often than I ever was as a student. Because you know, that makes perfect sense.
Last Saturday, I was working a the information desk. It was fairly quiet, as Saturdays in February tend to be. I question why people even come in on a Saturday. If you live on campus, maybe, but even then. Don’t you have better ways to spend your weekend? I think anyone who hangs around there on a Saturday has to be at least a little weird. I work there, so at least I have an excuse.
I was sitting at the desk looking up a book on the computer. I had the fan on beside me because despite being cold outside, it was very hot inside the store, especially in my area. It felt like I was in a sauna. Or hell. Whichever’s hotter I guess. I had it on a low setting, so it wouldn’t blow away the papers at the desk, or bother me if I was too close to it.
As I was working, this guy walked up to the desk and started to say something. At first I wasn’t sure whether or not he was talking to me. But he came over and said “You know what?”. There was a slight pause as I looked up at him, and he continued, “The way the wind is blowing against your hair like that, it looks really sexy”. Or something to that effect. I’m not sure if I responded or just looked at him stupidly. And then he asked, “How is that happening? Is it from the computer?”. And then he looked around confused as to where this wind was coming from. I pointed out to him that there was a fan right beside me. Yeah, if you couldn’t tell from his first comment, he wasn’t exactly the brightest person.
He also asked me what my name was, where I was from, and then shook my hand and said it was nice meeting me. And shortly after, he wandered away from the desk. I think he could tell that I wasn’t interested in any further conversation, unless it was to help him find a book. Maybe if he was young and hot, my reaction would have been different. But he wasn’t. They never are.
There are a few people who will tell you that for some reason weird people tend to be drawn to me. I don’t know why this is. But at least I end up with stories that other people can laugh at. And I guess a compliment is a compliment. At least now I know that my hair is working for me. I just wish I didn’t have to hear it in the form of a bad line from a creepy guy.
In case you’ve been wondering, I have washed my hair. Twice since getting the keratin smoothing treatment. Waiting five days to wash your hair actually isn’t bad at all. Since my hair is smoother and neater now, it still looks decent on the fifth day. Or maybe I’m just imagining that it looks decent. Either way, it’s good enough for me.
I’ve stocked up on shampoo and conditioner to last me for the next couple months while my hair stays smooth. Together with my new hair dryer, we’ll be unstoppable. Even my crappy flat iron can contribute now that my hair is more manageable. In the past I would get fed up with it fairly quickly. I’m happier with it now.
I thought I would be smart and buy some aftercare shampoo. I did and I used it. But after, I realized it was for Brazilian keratin treatment. And I wasn’t sure if that was the same thing I had done or something different. And then I started to worry that I’d damaged my hair by using an aftercare treatment for a treatment that wasn’t the treatment I’d had. So I went out and bough more shampoo, this time sulfate free and for colour treated hair. There is still colour in my hair, highlights that are fading and growing out. But I refuse to get them redone or touch up the roots. Who can be bothered? I’ll just wait til they grow out fully. This shampoo was buy 2 get 1 free, so I also got conditioner and a hair mask. The hair stylist told me I should use a hair mask once a week. Or some such frequency. I’ve yet to do so.
The problem still remains of my hair being dry. After blow drying it, it looked very dry, even after putting a little product in it. And flat ironing it some more only made it more dry. But it only appears this way the day that I wash it. Somehow, the day after, I can make it look better. At least I think it’s better. When I was buying the shampoo, I asked the girl at the counter if it would be good for this. She was not very knowledgeable. I don’t think she knew what keratin treatment was. When I told her it made it smoother, she was like “Oh, yeah it looks really smooth”. I think she was just trying to be nice. It was kind of dry looking that day.
At least I can now spend significantly less time on my hair. But time is still time. I was hoping that I’d be able to just wash and go. That’s the dream. A dream that I suppose is unattainable. Alas, we can’t have it all. But having more manageable hair has made me more motivated to make sure it actually looks good. When my hair was just a frizzy mess, putting in effort was in vain, because it still wouldn’t turn out looking great. Now that good hair days are achievable, I may as well do what I can to make them a reality. At least until the treatment wears out in a couple months. At which point I will either try harder, or just give up completely.
I’ve been having a lot of trouble with toilets lately. Don’t worry, it’s nothing gross. I haven’t clogged one or anything. Yet. Things just tend to fall in there. Things that have no place being in a toilet. Things that I love. And I find this very sad and upsetting. I feel like life is implying that the things I love are crappy.
You may already know that my blackberry fell in the toilet last week, resulting in me spending two and a half days without it while it had the moisture sucked out of it by a bunch of uncooked rice. It is now working again and I vowed I would never drop it again, at least not in the toilet. It’s just a shame I didn’t extend that vow to any of my other possessions.
What did I drop this time? Nothing valuable. So it’s really not a big deal. But I still can’t believe I managed to drop two things in a toilet within a span of six days. Is this a new trend for me? I don’t want to be that person. How do I stop this from happening?
Anyway, what I lost in the toilet this time was an earring. Luckily, it was a cheap earring. I believe I got them on sale at Claire’s. And I don’t wear them often. They are one of my more childish pairs of earrings I suppose. But I’ve always loved earrings and wearing random ones. These particular ones are shaped like peace signs. And I wonder if this is a sign of some sort, like an indication that I will never have peace in my life or something.
When it fell in, I hesitated. With my blackberry, I reached in to retrieve it right away. With the earring, I thought about it, almost retrieved it, then reconsidered, then thought about it again. And came to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth it. It was tiny, harder to pick up than a phone. And I would have had to roll and my sleeves and just really didn’t feel like bothering. I’m constantly losing and breaking earrings anyway. I’d just never lost one this way before.
So yeah, I flushed the peace sign earring down the toilet. The other one still remains, never to be worn again. Although I suppose I could try and rock the look of wearing just the one? I’ve done that before unknowingly when I’ve lost an earring. But yeah. I feel like this might be a metaphor for life. Peace is often just within our reach, but we’re often not willing to do what it takes to attain it, and allow it to slip away. Or in this case, be flushed away.
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking what? Me? Go to the library? Why would I go and do something like that? Well the other day, I had some errands to run and there happened to be a library in the area. I decided to go in, since I had time to kill and nothing important left to do. Also I really needed to use the bathroom. That was pretty much the only reason I went in. But I thought while I was there I would look around a bit. And I decided I may as well take out a few books.
But I didn’t have a library card. I don’t know what happened to it. I must have lost it at some point. It hadn’t been used in years. What purpose would I have to use it? If I needed to do research for school, I could use the UBC libraries. Or better yet, I could use the internet. What need did I have for books? If I did happen to want to read something for fun, my mom was always taking out books from the library, so I could always just borrow one of hers to read if I had the time to do so.
But it’s been a while since I’ve read for fun. In school, there were far too many readings already. I had a bunch of books for my classes that I wasn’t reading. There would be no point taking out library books so they could sit there unread as well. But I thought maybe I should start again and occasionally read something because I want to read it. I do that with blogs right now, but I suppose reading a couple novels couldn’t hurt either.
I applied for a new library card upon realizing I no longer had one. I think there may have been fines on the previous one. Oh well. I ended up taking out six books and they are all due in a month. Yeah, I’m not going to read them all. But that’s what renewing is for. In a second year English class I took, I constantly renewed a couple books for the whole term, because that way I saved money and didn’t have to buy them. And in a second year Political Science class, I renewed some books about Hobbes like 20 times when I had to write a paper. And I either misplaced them or just didn’t want to bother taking them back. Clicking the renew button a bunch of times until they were recalled was just easier.
Have I read any of the six books I took out? No. No I have not. But I did start one of them. It was about finding a career after graduation. It has yet to be helpful. I knew it wouldn’t be, but I thought I’d go ahead and give it a try anyway. I started reading it at the bus stop and on the bus on my way home that day. Because that was day 1 of my 2.5 days without my cell phone. I figured I would use a book as a substitute while my phone recovered. But ever since getting my phone back, I haven’t touched any of the books. Go figure.
I realized that one of the reasons I don’t like to borrow books from the library is I tend to misplace them. I mean I find them soon enough, but occasionally end up with a very small fine. One year in high school, I think it was Grade 9, I couldn’t get my yearbook on the last day because of an unpaid library fine. So while everyone else was signing each others’ yearbooks, I had to go to the library and wait there for them to let me pay my stupid fine, I think it was like $2 or something. And by the time that was over and I got my yearbook, people were getting ready to leave and less eager to sign it. Not that I would’ve gotten a lot of great messages or anything. But still.
So now I have six books which I may or may not read before they are due. Who am I kidding, I definitely won’t. But I may read a couple. That much I can manage. And renew the others. Or renew them all probably, because when the hell am I going to go back to the library?
I am very please to inform you that my phone has made a full recovery. This morning before I left for work, in an extremely cautious and panic ridden state, I removed my blackberry and battery from the container of rice in which they rested. I then carefully inserted the battery. And attached the back of the phone. And then I waited as it rebooted. And after waiting, I saw that oh so familiar flash of red light once again. And I tested it, checked my new texts, bbm, and facebook messages. All seemed to work fine. And so I did what I do best. I updated my facebook status and tweeted using my phone.
It was a very painstaking two and a half days that we spent apart, neither of us knowing our fate. I’m glad that I waited, to be sure that it would recover. Had I been too eager, things may not have worked out so well. The time apart has been good for us. I used to just focus on how horrible it had been to me and blamed it for everything. But I do realize now that I may have been too needy. I rely on it to do its job, yes. But I don’t need it every second and I don’t need to be tweeting and texting constantly, at a pace that it may not be able to keep up with.
People have said that I could do a lot better than this phone. And I know they’re probably right. But I’ve made my decision. When it was buried in the rice and I was waiting for it to recover, I wanted it to get better. Having it not recover would have been the perfect excuse to finally trade up and be done with it once and for all. But that was not what I had hoped for. I knew I needed more time with it before I could move on.
As an exercise in trust, I took it with me into the bathroom. Into the very same stall in which it fell in the toilet. But I made sure to transfer it carefully from my pocket to my purse right away, in order to avoid disaster. This allowed for me to prove that I will no longer be as careless as I once was. It would have been very sad had I made the same mistake yet again. But I didn’t. Because I’m better now. We’re better now.
I’ve decided to keep the phone out of its case for now. I know this seems counterintuitive, as the case is there in order to protect it. But this is not necessary. Because I’m here to protect it. And I like it better without the case. It’s lighter and more sleek and easier to handle. The case was only weighing it down, not allowing it to reach its full potential. Also I think I may have lost the case.
The strange thing is that I can’t recall it freezing on me today. It’s almost as if it’s working better after what its been through. Maybe it’s afraid that if it doesn’t shape up, it might meet the same fate once more. I can imagine that falling in a toilet and then being completely buried in rice for an undetermined amount of time would be highly traumatic. Or maybe that time away from me has just allowed it time to reflect on its actions and make the decision to be better for me. Whatever the reason, I appreciate it and I hope it lasts. At least until I can get credit for an upgrade.
This is the stage I like to refer to as denial. I have now gone without my phone for two days. After having the misfortune of falling in the toilet on Wednesday, it is now still sitting in a container of rice trying to recuperate. Spending two days without my phone gave me the sense that I am able to survive without it, hence the title of this post. I don’t actually need it in order to get through the day. But more than likely, I’m just telling myself this in order to feel better about the fact that I can’t use it right now.
I miss it though. Not when it freezes. Or when the apps don’t work. Or when I can’t connect to the internet. Or when it won’t let me access a message. Or when it takes fucking forever to respond to what I’ve clicked on. But I miss it. When it flashes and vibrates to indicate a new message, and then actually allows me to go and check said message. And then allows me to respond to said message. And use my apps. And browse. And let me know what time it is. And just be there for me. I miss it.
But maybe this happened for a reason? Maybe we needed some time apart. We have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, so perhaps this was for the best. It’s allowed me to see what life is like without it. And allowed it to have some time away from me as well. Maybe at the end of all this our relationship will be stronger and we’ll be able to look past the flaws and make the best of things.
The question now is how much longer should I wait? Also, how much longer CAN I wait? Apparently I have more willpower than expected. But who knows how long that will last? Is two days enough time? Should I wait another day? Maybe if I wait longer, it will be more special when I finally get to use it again. I don’t want to rush into things. We should probably take it slow if we want to make this work.
If you read my last post, you know that my phone fell in the toilet yesterday. I’ve always had a bad relationship with my phone but I really want it to be okay. I am not ready to move on. We’ve been through a lot together and it’s too soon to say goodbye. If I do get a new phone, I want to it to be out of choice, not out of necessity.
I left my blackberry in the rice overnight. It’s still in there. And I am suffering. I think my phone being out of commission is affecting my mental state. This morning I forgot to bring a towel to the bathroom with me when I had a shower. Consequently, I had nothing to dry off with. Not even a bag of rice. Maybe I subconsciously wanted to connect with my phone in a way?
I am now debating whether I should take it out and test it soon or whether I should leave it longer still. I googled what to do and some places say that you should leave it overnight, while others say that you should leave it for 5 days. Which is it?!? I need to know! Now! If I could just have a clear answer, it would put my mind at ease at least a little bit. At this point I have no idea when I will finally cave and this is upsetting me.
I’ve been surviving without it and trying not to think about it too much. But then I get the urge to check my messages and then the realization hits me that I can’t. I’m sure some people would be surprised that I’ve already gone this long without testing it out. Perhaps I should take bets with people as to how long I can wait for. Then maybe I could win enough money to buy a new phone if this one doesn’t pull through.
Does anyone have any advice or happen to know how long exactly I should wait?