So yesterday I noticed a spider in the shower while I was in the shower and freaked out and wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as I could. It was the fact that I didn’t know where it had got to that was very unnerving. I was not about to let that happen again.
So before stepping in, I scanned the entire shower to make sure it wasn’t still there. It was. In pretty much the same spot as before. Fuck. Why was it still there? Does it have no life? Does it just hang out in that one spot 24/7? What’s up with that? You know how spiders often just stay in one spot, on a wall or a ceiling, motionless? And it looks as though maybe it’s dead. But it’s not. They never are. They just want to trick you. Those conniving bastards.
I had to get rid of it. I was not about to get in the shower while that thing was still there. It’s always a big spider too, with its long creepy legs. How was I going to get rid of it? It was high up too. Why are they always out of reach? Why can’t they just be on the floor so you can step on them? Although there was no way in hell I was going to step on it with my bare feet. I needed a shoe.
I looked around the bathroom to see what I could use. Nothing really stood out. I could hit it with a towel. But then it would be on the towel. And I’d probably miss somehow. I could hit it with a shampoo bottle, but then its remnants would be on the bottle and no one wants that. Plus it wasn’t really strong enough to kill it anyway. There was a plunger. I wish I had a baseball bat or something longer. I didn’t want to risk touching it. I’m fine with killing it, as long as it doesn’t touch me.
There was a bottle of lysol sitting there. So naturally, I picked it up and sprayed it at the spider, even though I know from past experience that this does not work at all. All it does is agitate the thing. I can’t imagine why. But yeah, its legs start to move but it just won’t go down without a fight. Fine. I would have to find another way.
I left the bathroom to find an old shoe. I thought maybe that would work. But the spider was so high up I had to reach for it, and the shoe was only so big. It couldn’t be done. I went upstairs planning to get the broom to finish it off that way. But my family was around and would have asked what I was doing and would probably think it was stupid so I decided against it.
I returned to the bathroom and picked up the plunger. What, it was my best option at this point. I mean I almost considered just not having a shower, but that would have been a lot grosser than touching a spider. I cursed the fact that our upstairs shower was broken, forcing me to use the one that this spider had decided was its new hang out. No matter. It’s just a spider. I’m a grown woman. I had the advantage, right?
I swear after I had sprayed it with the lysol, it beckoned me to come at it. Like how a person in a fight will beckon you to come towards him with the motion of his finger or his hand. The spider moved its leg in the exact same fashion, as if taunting me, knowing I would not prevail. Oh, it was on.
I hit it with the plunger. And I hit I again. And again. Repeatedly. Why won’t you die? I managed to get it lower down, closer to the faucet, but still going strong. It had a lot of fight in it, I’ll give it that. I turned on the faucet, hoping to drench it in water. But it wasn’t far down enough for that. I hit it with the plunger again, but still it wouldn’t die. I think it lost a leg or two, but that didn’t phase it. So I picked up a bucket and poured water over it. I managed to get it down the drain. Success.
And then I thought about how our drain often clogged and imagined that the spider would somehow crawl out and emerge from the drain with a vengeance. And because there’s a lot of hair in the drain, it could blend in so I wouldn’t notice it at first. The horror. But no, I assured myself that wouldn’t happen. It was gone. I had defeated it. I could finally have my shower in peace. Though I was still paranoid that there could be a second spider, lurking somewhere who had witnessed the whole thing and was more than ready to avenge his fellow spider. I shudder at the thought.