The bee in the bedroom: A tale of cowardice

The other day I was in my room reading a book. Yes, I’m aware this already sounds made up just from that first sentence. But really, I do read on occasion, every so often. Or try to anyway. On this particular occasion I failed. As I sat there, minding my own business, I heard buzzing. Shit. Where is it coming from? And then I saw it. The bee. First I hoped maybe it was just a fly, because flies buzz too. But no, it was a bee.

How the hell did it even get in my room? I didn’t even open a window. It spent some time near my closed window, perhaps trying to get out. I suppose the smart thing to do would be to go over and open it, so that it could be successful in its attempt. But that would mean going closer to it willingly, which I did not want to do. Also, I was worried that if I were to open my window, another bee would come inside and join its friend. I was not about to let that happen.

So I decided to just do what I do best. Nothing. I sat still, minding my own business. They say if you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you. Lies! It flew towards me, buzzing in my ear. I hate that. The worst thing about bees is when they come up and buzz right in your ear, & come close to your neck. I left my room, but left the door open, hoping it would fly out of there, and go out another window somewhere else in the house. Cause you know, that was a good plan.

I sort of just hung around the house doing nothing, avoiding my bedroom at all costs. A few times I would briefly go in there, looking around to see if the coast was clear. But then I would hear buzzing, or see it creeping on the blinds of my window and have to retreat. Just by being there, it had somehow marked that whole territory as its own. I felt like this was worse than that time that spider was in the shower, though others seem to disagree. Maybe it’s because the spider was stationary, and I found a way to get rid of it. And because I wasn’t in the shower yet at the time. But the bee, it just buzzed around every which way. And I was afraid of being stung.

My sister asked me if I could get rid of the moth in her room. I said I would if she got rid of the bee in my room. Then she laughed at me and felt a whole lot better about her situation. And then she started telling me about how painful bee stings are and how much they hurt and how it’s way worse than getting a shot. Cause you know, I needed to be freaked out even more. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of being stung. I’ve never been stung before. At least I don’t think I have. If I had, I’d know right? I’m constantly being bitten by various insects, but stung, I don’t think so.

My sister started to ask if I’d rather have a spider, a giant crane fly, or a bee in my room. First I said the crane fly, but those are pretty much spiders with wings. Then I said the spider but then she said it could crawl on my bed. So I thought really, is the bee actually the best? I just hate the buzzing. I complained about the bee in my room and my mom was just like it’s fine. And I’m like what do you mean it’s fine? Clearly it was not fine.

That night, I’m not even completely sure if the bee was in fact still in my room or what happened to it. When I went to bed, I could hear a faint buzzing noise, but I couldn’t tell if it was real or just in my head. Either way it was disturbing. My brother’s radio was on, perhaps I was just hearing noise from that. I felt something on my neck and freaked out a little. But I think it was just my hair. But I covered my head with the covers so that if it was in the room, it wouldn’t come buzzing at my ears. I felt as paranoid as Sabrina on Raising Hope, when she puts pantyhose over her head at night for fear that a spider will lay eggs in her ears. Okay, I’m not that paranoid. It also made me think of that episode of Boy Meets World where there’s a rare bee on the dean’s neck and she’s allergic so Mr. Feenie grabs it off and gets his hand stung, to show how much he loves her. Clearly I watch too much TV.

I’m pretty sure the bee left at some point. Or I would have noticed it there the following day. But what about the rest of the summer? When there are more of them around? And when I do open my bedroom window because it gets too hot? What then? Do I need to get stung in order to overcome this fear? Because I’d really rather not. And if I get stung, the bees win. And we can’t have that now, can we?

It buzzed around amidst the blinds. I leave my window closed out of fear.