Is there such a thing as blogging depression?

You know how when a person is depressed, they feel lack of motivation and the things that they once enjoyed no longer interest them?  I’ve kind of been feeling that way about blogging.  It used to be easier.  It used to be so effortless.  Now sometimes it just seems like a chore.  A chore that isn’t even necessary really.  And so I keep putting it off.  And no one knows when it will ever get done.

I don’t know why I feel this way.  It’s not what I want.  I do want to gain back that joy that writing once brought me.  I want that excitement I once felt just thinking about it and looking forward to being able to write.  Now and then it does cross my mind, but then I come up with excuses as to why I can’t do it or I don’t have time.  And if I do happen to have a free moment, I fill it with other things.  I’m always out doing something.  And when I do have that rare time at home, I give up and concede that my time would be better spent watching TV.  When the hell has anyone’s time ever been better spent watching TV?

So productivity as far as blogging goes is now at an all time low.  I’m not really sure how to get it back up to a reasonable pace.  And I’m not really even sure what a reasonable pace would be.  But definitely more often and more consistently than I have been lately.  Setting a schedule doesn’t really work for me.  Randomness is how I function best.  Although randomness hasn’t been working for me either as of late.  You know how you tell a lazy person to get up off their ass and go do something?  Would it be the opposite for me?  Like I need to sit my ass back down and stop whatever I’m doing and start writing again?

When a person is depressed, they begin to wonder whether they even matter to anyone and what the point of their life is.  Similarly, I wonder whether this blog even matters to anyone and what the point of it is.  Is there a point?  Although I’ve never actually cared about it having a point.  And I have had a few people ask if I’m still blogging or say that they enjoyed some of my previous entries.  But is that enough to motivate me to continue?  It should be.  But I’m not sure if it is.

Is it ironic that after I went to a blogging conference, I kind of stopped blogging?  Not as a result of it, but coincidentally I suppose.  I always blame time.  I have no time.  I was recently talking to a friend about how I didn’t understand how she had time for everything she does.  And she told me that she doesn’t, she just forces herself to do things.  Which I totally understand.  I used to be like that.  I still am, in many aspects, just not with blogging anymore.  A lot of people would tell me that they didn’t understand how I had the energy to work full time, take classes, volunteer, blog, and still go out as much as I do.  And the truth is I really don’t have the energy.  I’m tired all the time.  But I force myself to still do all the things I want to do.  When something is important to you, you make the time for it.  Right now I’m just wondering how important blogging really is to me.

If you’re a blogger or a writer, I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from.  And it’s not even writer’s block.  Or blogger’s block, or whatever you want to call it.  Because I have ideas.  I haven’t even written properly about Vegas yet.  And you know how important Vegas is to me.  Time remains a key problem for me.  And the lack of motivation stems from me doubting my abilities as a writer.  I feel like I used to be better than this too.  I am better than this.  So why won’t it show in my writing any longer?  I know everyone has self doubt at some point, no matter how good they are.

I think I’m going to try and find the time for this.  Try, being to key word.  Wish me luck.  Or don’t.  Are people actually more likely to accomplish something if someone tells them “Good luck”?  Does that really ever change anything or make a difference at all?  Also this is very small life goal.  Of course I could be putting my time and my efforts into bigger and better things than trying to start writing again.  But whatever, I can choose to focus on this for a moment if I want to.

Well, it would appear that I have now written a blog post.  Kind of wordy one.  And possibly whiny.  Is it whiny?  I can’t actually tell.  I’m hoping it’s not because I hate it when people are whiny.  Does this fact that I just wrote a blog post mean that maybe I’m taking a step towards coming out of my blogging depression?  Only time will tell.

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4 thoughts on “Is there such a thing as blogging depression?

  1. First off…no this post is not “whiny”.

    Second off…if you think your depression is more than just “the blues”, please, please, please go see your doctor. I say this as a guy with BiPolar Disorder, PTSD and some other Mental Illness Acronyms. Please trust me on this one.

    Third off…writing as you described it above is about the joy of it…whether it’s a post about feeling depressed or hitting the Progressive Slot Jackpot in Vegas. Granted, there may not have been much true joy in writing this particular post, but I am willing to wager (haha – a little Vegas Humor there) that you got some satisfaction out of it simply by writing it.

    Fourth off…I try to never “force” myself to write. My writing , which ain’t so hot anyway, suffers even further from it. Some people will disagree with me on this, but each of us responds to “the blues” or depression in different ways. Write at your own pace whether it’s every half-hour or once a week.

    Fifth off…Good luck! 🙂

    Toby

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    • Thank you! I’m glad it’s not whiny. I was worried about it sounding like I was just complaining for no reason. But then I’m always complaining for no reason so whatever. Don’t worry, the symptoms of depression are just associated with blogging, not my life as a whole. I’ll be fine. Yeah, I don’t want to force myself to write, I want to write because I want to write. I still need to figure out how often I want that to be.

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