The bee in the bedroom: A tale of cowardice

The other day I was in my room reading a book. Yes, I’m aware this already sounds made up just from that first sentence. But really, I do read on occasion, every so often. Or try to anyway. On this particular occasion I failed. As I sat there, minding my own business, I heard buzzing. Shit. Where is it coming from? And then I saw it. The bee. First I hoped maybe it was just a fly, because flies buzz too. But no, it was a bee.

How the hell did it even get in my room? I didn’t even open a window. It spent some time near my closed window, perhaps trying to get out. I suppose the smart thing to do would be to go over and open it, so that it could be successful in its attempt. But that would mean going closer to it willingly, which I did not want to do. Also, I was worried that if I were to open my window, another bee would come inside and join its friend. I was not about to let that happen.

So I decided to just do what I do best. Nothing. I sat still, minding my own business. They say if you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you. Lies! It flew towards me, buzzing in my ear. I hate that. The worst thing about bees is when they come up and buzz right in your ear, & come close to your neck. I left my room, but left the door open, hoping it would fly out of there, and go out another window somewhere else in the house. Cause you know, that was a good plan.

I sort of just hung around the house doing nothing, avoiding my bedroom at all costs. A few times I would briefly go in there, looking around to see if the coast was clear. But then I would hear buzzing, or see it creeping on the blinds of my window and have to retreat. Just by being there, it had somehow marked that whole territory as its own. I felt like this was worse than that time that spider was in the shower, though others seem to disagree. Maybe it’s because the spider was stationary, and I found a way to get rid of it. And because I wasn’t in the shower yet at the time. But the bee, it just buzzed around every which way. And I was afraid of being stung.

My sister asked me if I could get rid of the moth in her room. I said I would if she got rid of the bee in my room. Then she laughed at me and felt a whole lot better about her situation. And then she started telling me about how painful bee stings are and how much they hurt and how it’s way worse than getting a shot. Cause you know, I needed to be freaked out even more. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of being stung. I’ve never been stung before. At least I don’t think I have. If I had, I’d know right? I’m constantly being bitten by various insects, but stung, I don’t think so.

My sister started to ask if I’d rather have a spider, a giant crane fly, or a bee in my room. First I said the crane fly, but those are pretty much spiders with wings. Then I said the spider but then she said it could crawl on my bed. So I thought really, is the bee actually the best? I just hate the buzzing. I complained about the bee in my room and my mom was just like it’s fine. And I’m like what do you mean it’s fine? Clearly it was not fine.

That night, I’m not even completely sure if the bee was in fact still in my room or what happened to it. When I went to bed, I could hear a faint buzzing noise, but I couldn’t tell if it was real or just in my head. Either way it was disturbing. My brother’s radio was on, perhaps I was just hearing noise from that. I felt something on my neck and freaked out a little. But I think it was just my hair. But I covered my head with the covers so that if it was in the room, it wouldn’t come buzzing at my ears. I felt as paranoid as Sabrina on Raising Hope, when she puts pantyhose over her head at night for fear that a spider will lay eggs in her ears. Okay, I’m not that paranoid. It also made me think of that episode of Boy Meets World where there’s a rare bee on the dean’s neck and she’s allergic so Mr. Feenie grabs it off and gets his hand stung, to show how much he loves her. Clearly I watch too much TV.

I’m pretty sure the bee left at some point. Or I would have noticed it there the following day. But what about the rest of the summer? When there are more of them around? And when I do open my bedroom window because it gets too hot? What then? Do I need to get stung in order to overcome this fear? Because I’d really rather not. And if I get stung, the bees win. And we can’t have that now, can we?

It buzzed around amidst the blinds. I leave my window closed out of fear.

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Me versus the crane fly

I hate insects.  They freak me out.  Seriously.  They’re so creepy.  Yes, I’m that girl who doesn’t let much phase her & is so independent but then there’s a giant spider on the wall and she’s completely helpless.  Well, spiders aren’t actually insects, they’re arachnids.  But you get the idea.  Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, I’m not completely helpless, I can figure out how to deal if I have to.  But I don’t go about it very well.  Most people can just get rid of an insect or a spider by hitting it with a shoe or getting it with a paper towel or some such tactic.  For me, there’s a lot more deliberation and freaking out involved.

I don’t have a problem killing insects.  I mean, if it’s easy.  If it’s stationary on the wall and I have something to hit it with then I will.  Or if it’s on the ground and I’m wearing close toed shoes, fine.  But I don’t want to touch it.  Once I kill it, I cringe at the idea of having to dispose of it, even if there’s a large paper towel barrier between it and my hand.  I don’t know what it is that I’m afraid of.  I just don’t like it.  Sometimes I randomly freak out because I feel like a bug is on my arm.  And then after flailing and looking down, I realize it’s just a strand of my own hair that has grazed me.  And then I feel stupid.  And then I get upset by the fact that my hair is shedding.

I really do have a problem with insects though.  And I feel like they have a problem with me.  I really do take this personally.  Pretty much every day, a fly with hit me in the face, usually in the eye or the mouth.  Sometimes several times a day.  That’s not normal, right?  I’m pretty sure this doesn’t just happen to everyone.  It’s like they’re flying too fast and have no time to slow down before crashing into me.  I don’t get it.  I mean, flies are attracted to garbage, and they’re constantly hit me in the face.  Are they trying to tell me something?  That’s just insulting.

Lately, around our home, there have been a lot of crane flies.  When I come home, there are a few of them on the door.  These things are massive.  They are like giant spiders with wings.  It’s horrible.  When I came home last night there were two resting against the door.  I had a lot of things to bring inside and tried to make my move as quickly as possible, so as not to allow them into the house.  I was in such a hurry that I ended up leaving my key in the door all night.  I think I may have tried kicking the door before opening it, in hopes that would get them to leave.  It didn’t.

They did not come in, but unfortunately, one of their friends was already inside.  In the kitchen.  Hanging out there while I was trying to make myself a wrap for lunch the next day.  Not cool.  It already creeps me out just by being there.  It’s just so much more disturbing for it to be there while I’m making food.  I saw it against the blinds at the window.  I didn’t want it there.  I had to do something.  But I didn’t want to touch it.  So I took out a bottle of Lysol and sprayed it.  Cause you know, that seemed like a good idea.  In hindsight, it wasn’t.  That just made the thing agitated and it began to move very quickly in all sorts of directions without warning.  I can’t imagine why being sprayed by Lysol would make it angry.

I briefly went out of the kitchen as I tried to figure out what to do.  My sister said she would get it if I gave her a shoe.  I said okay.  Maybe my sister would save me from this horrible creature.  I mean that would be really sad that a grown woman can’t deal with it herself, but whatever.  But then she realized she couldn’t hit it with the shoe while the crane fly was on the blinds and she might end up breaking something.  It came towards us and we left the kitchen once again.

It flew around in the dining room, and at one point went close to the floor.  There were shoes around, but instead I grabbed a baseball bat.  Yes.  And you thought the Lysol was a bad idea.  I tried in vain to hit it with the bat against the floor but to no avail.  The thing would just not die.  At one point I thought I very nearly had it but I was mistaken.  That tricky little things got away.  It’s even more unnerving when you suddenly don’t know where it is.  If it’s going to stick around and be alive, I would rather have it in sight so I know what it’s up to.  Once it’s out of sight, it can reappear without warning, and who knows what it might do then.

I continued to carefully make my lunch, all the while I knew it was nearby, sometimes I could hear it, sometimes I couldn’t.  At one point I nearly screamed as it came at me without warning.  Well not really at me, but near me.  Very near me.  And my food.  I wanted to call my sister to come and get rid of it for me like she promised, but by then she was already in her room.  I’m such a horrible older sister.  Apparently she’s braver than I am.  Or I’m just that much of a wimp.

So as it stands now, crane fly 1, me 0.  Yes, I’m only awarding it one point for it’s victory over me.  I’m not really sure what happened to it after that.  I’m hoping it went out the window, never to return again.  When I came home today, there was only one crane fly on the door, and it was smaller than the others I’d seen.  This gives me hope that they might leave us alone and let me be at peace.  But I fear that same one I battled yesterday may still be lurking somewhere, just waiting make it’s presence known.  Well Mr. crane fly, I have my Lysol and my baseball bat ready.  Bring it.