That time I almost blinded myself: The most epic staring contest of all time

Don’t you hate it when there’s something in your eye and it stings and itches and you can’t seem to get it out and your eyes begin to water?  That happened to me at work the other day and I was pretty much almost crying in my office.  I know you’re not supposed to rub your eyes, but sometimes I can’t help it because they get really itchy.  Damn allergies.  Also for a long while, my eyes would water every morning as I waited for the bus because the air and the weather were so cold that they had that effect, so it would look like I was just crying when really my eyes would just end up physically watering as a reaction to the cold.  Apparently this happened to my sister recently and some guy went up to her and asked if she was okay, because it looked like she was crying.

Anyway, this all made me think of the time when I went to the Bloggers in Sin City conference in Las Vegas a couple years ago.  It was less of a conference, and more of a get together where I got to do a lot of fun Vegas things and meet an awesome bunch of people who love social media as much as I do.  It was the second day of the conference, and we had our own private party welcome mixer at Serendipity 3, across from the Flamingo.  There were lots of appies and drinks.  And also games.  Because of course with a group of strangers, you’re going to have some sort of ice breaker type thing.  I remember we had to pair up and give our partners 8 second hugs.  I’m not a hugger, but the hugs were good.  The hugs are not what almost destroyed me.  What happened after the hugs was.

Serendipity 3

Serendipity 3

We had a staring contest.  I’m sure most of you have had staring contests at some point in your life.  Because it’s a stupid thing that we do because we can.  Mostly as children, but why not as adults?  But this wasn’t just your average staring contest.  It was literally the most intense staring contest, or possibly contest of any kind, that I’ve endured.  There were prizes at stake.  And good prizes too.  There were 68 of us, and with the exception of the organizers, we were all assigned a competitor to begin with.  Each group would have a stare off, and the winner of that pair would then move on to face another worthy opponent, and so on and so forth until one of us would emerge victorious.

Now, I’m not very good at a lot of things, competitively speaking.  I am terrible at sports.  And pretty terrible at video games too.  I can do decently at a few boardgames.  What sucks is that despite my lack of skill, I’m still a fairly competitive person.  I love winning.  Because who doesn’t?  Don’t we all want to be winners?  Since I have zero athletic ability, maybe this was my time to shine.  Staring?  I was good at that.  Hell, I stare all the time.  Sometimes I space out and don’t even realize I’m staring.  And blinking is so overrated.  I could totally do this, no problem.

stare1

I fared quite well against my first few opponents.  My eyes were open far longer than theirs.  Finally, something I was good at.  I kept on going, beating every competitor who dared to stare into my eyes, for I stared back into theirs even harder.  They were simply no match for my supreme staring ability.  And then, there was Larissa.

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I didn’t really peg her for someone who was so competitive.  Nor did I peg her for someone who could or would make me cry.  But she was, and she did.  Maybe I had gotten a little too cocky by this point and had just instilled myself with a false sense of confidence?  Maybe I had strained my eyes a little at this point from all the previous stare offs?  Maybe Larissa was just a superhuman who doesn’t blink like a normal human being?    All these things would eventually lead to my downfall.

stare6

We stared at each other like no one has ever stared before, our eyes piercing into one another’s as if seeing deep into our souls.  Perhaps she enacted some sort of gaze mind control trick, I can’t be too sure.  Minutes passed by and neither of us showed signs of blinking.  We had our game faces on and would not give in without a fight, no matter how painful.  And it was, indeed, painful.  As the minutes added up, my eyes eventually began to sting.  They were not meant to remain open for this long without blinking.  But no pain, no gain, right?  I could push through this.

stare3

And then came the water works.  Tears began to stream down my face.  No, more like pour.  Rivers just pouring out of my eyes.  But still, I did not blink.  People watched in horror at this spectacle.  Larissa yelled at me to blink, partly because she wanted to win, and partly because I think she was genuinely concerned and slightly horrified that I was literally crying right in front of her.  I was a mess.  And so was my face.  I’m pretty sure I lost more tears that day than on any other day of my life.  At one point, I thought I saw Larissa blink but I was mistaken.  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t see clearly at that point anyhow.  But still I stared on, doing everything in my power to keep my eyes open, despite every fibre of my being telling me I needed to blink.  But as more time passed, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I offered up a single blink.  It looked like I was crying because I lost, but really my tear ducts were just still messed up from my lack of blinking.  Larissa went on to the final round, beating out Kitty and winning the whole damn competition.  I can’t remember what it was exactly that she won.  I think it was a gift card and some cell phone stuff.  Like good tech stuff.  I tried to forget, since I was clearly envious.  The whole ordeal had been a lot harder for me than it had been for her, and yet she reaped the rewards.

stare7

After my defeat, I had to sit for a while.  I know, it wasn’t like it was physically draining activity in terms of strength, but I was still a bit out of it.  And I couldn’t see properly.  Like my vision was really blurred.  I pride myself on having perfect vision and I was worried I may have jeopardized this all for a silly contest.  I made my way to try and find the bathroom, and the staff clearly though I was drunk, because I was out of it and stumbling and my makeup was all messed up.  Little did they know that this was because I couldn’t see properly.  I did my best to wipe away the last of the tears and to salvage my makeup and to gain my vision back.  Luckily, I managed to do so.

I don’t know if it’s possible to permanently damage your vision from excessive eye strain or lack of blinking, but I was so paranoid afterwards, especially when time had passed and my vision was still blurred.  Thankfully, it all went back to normal eventually and I vowed never to jeopardize my eyes like that ever again.  But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t secretly dream of a rematch in which I vowed revenge took back the glory that should have been mine…

The best purchases ever made at a yard sale

One day in June, I spent a lovely Saturday with my friend. Our day included dim sum, Netflix, shopping, walking, Jenga, the park, slack lining, drinking, and a barbecue. So yeah, it was fun times. I think it may have actually been my first time having dim sum. I’m still amazed that I actually woke up early to go.

I don’t have Netflix. I’m not too cheap to get it, I just don’t feel like it would be worth it for me since I live with my family and have a bunch of stuff on pvr and not enough time to watch it. But I’m glad my friend has Netflix because it means I can get my Archer fix whenever we hang out.

A few of us went to the park that day and hung out. We stocked up on chips and strawberries and one of my friends brought a hula hoop. Except whoever made that hula hoop must have been really sadistic because it had ridges on the inside which made it painful to use. But we did it anyway. She also brought a slackline. Which is pretty much like a low tight rope walk kind of thing but wider. I’m terrible at it. I can barely even stand on the thing, let alone walk across it. A little kid came by and tried it and she rocked it. Because you know, that had to happen to make me feel worse about my inabilities.

We were going to attempt to play the Star Trek Catan game that my friend bought at Fan Expo. But we opened up the box, looked at the rules, tried to make sense of them, and decided this was not the time or the place for it. None of us had ever played Settlers of Catan before either and we kind of wished we had Ben Wyatt there to show us how. We will try eventually. But we just didn’t have the energy or the patience to figure it out at that moment. Instead, we used the box as a base on which to play Jenga. Because park Jenga is the best kind of Jenga. Even if the uneven ground makes the tower slanted. Because you know, we like to play dangerously.

jenga

Jenga in the park

park jenga

It’s harder than it looks

The barbecue and the shopping and everything was fun, but one thing about that day really stands out above the rest. While enjoying the sunshine, we noticed earlier in the day that there was a yard sale. So naturally, we decided to go check it out. It would probably be all junk and all the good stuff would be gone by the time we got there because that was just our luck. But we thought we’d give it a shot. It’s not as if we had anything better to do at the time. This was before all the park excitement when we had time to kill before we met up with people.

At the yard sale, there were some random old books and games and records. None of which we wanted to buy. But they also had Star Wars glasses. For a dollar each. They were the kind that you used to get with meals at fast food places. Back when they were classy enough to give you actual glasses. So naturally my friend bought two of them.

But the best was yet to come. They had New Kids on the Block dolls. I didn’t even know they made New Kids On the Block dolls. How awesome is that? These were part of the “hangin loose” collection, where they’re dressed in casual clothes. Apparently there was a whole separate line where they were in concert attire, and you could buy a separate stage to go with it. Sadly, this was like right before my time. I grew up with Backstreet Boys and Nsync. But I still appreciate New Kids on the Block.

Unfortunately, they did not have the whole set. They only had three of them. But Joey, he was special. Because he was still inside an unopened box. That must be worth something right? So Joey came home with my friend that day. They didn’t have Donnie. Or he would have probably come home with her as well.

But yeah. Star Wars glasses and a Joey McIntyre doll. Best purchases ever! And all for just $7. Does my friend know how to shop, or does my friend know how to shop?

joey

Best purchases ever

Meeting strangers in Vegas

<—–Previous Vegas Post

Bloggers in Sin City, Day 1

Upon my arrival at The Flamingo, I proceeded to spend the remainder of the day meeting more people and drinking.  Because those two things go hand in hand, do they not?  This was probably the first time I have ever hung out with a large group of people, none of whom I knew previously, and actually felt comfortable.  We talked as if we were old friends.  I’m not saying that I wasn’t awkward, because it’s safe to say that I probably definitely was.  But I’m always awkward so that’s nothing new.  I was already friends with a lot of them on Facebook, and some of them recognized me from updating my status all the time everyday.  But since they’re all social media fanatics as well, no one was judging me for it.  A couple people also recognized me as the girl who loved shoes.  Apparently when I posted about Army & Navy, some of them thought I was actually buying army boots at some sort of military store.  I had to clarify and explain what Army & Navy really was.

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Carlo & Charlie’s

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Mango margaritas

It was happy hour at Carlos and Charlie’s when I arrived, so perfect timing.  New friendships were made and margaritas were drank.  Larissa pretended it was Tom‘s birthday so that the waitress with the big boobs would come over and pour shots in his mouth.  And she did.  And it was awesome.

happyhour

New friends

happyhour

Happy hour

When it was time to check in, I met Megan, who I would be rooming with for the first and last day of our stay.  Being the awesome person that I am, I used my Total Rewards card in order to get ahead in line.  We went back down to Carlos & Charlie’s and had some awesome quesadillas.

quesadilla

Quesadilla Charlie’s

At one point, we all seemed very depleted and worn out and we weren’t sure why.  We were also all very on edge and upset about the fact that our phones were all dying.  It would appear that when you’re a social media buff and your phone battery is drained, your energy level may also become drained.  The solution?  A phone charging party, naturally.  And so a bunch of us got together in the hotel room to charge our phones, and as we did, we too slowly regained our energy.

My original plan was to go see strippers that night.  Because why would I not go see strippers that night?  But I wasn’t feeling it.  Shocking, I know.  There were only a few people who had originally wanted to go and the strippers we wanted to see were all the way on the opposite side of the strip.  I mean maybe if I had more energy at the time I would have been all for it, but I decided my first night would be better spent wandering around our side of the strip and meeting more awesome new people.  Besides, I had already seen Thunder From Down Under last year in Vegas and again this year in Vancouver.  I’m thinking once a year should be what I aim for.

Instead, a few of us wandered around the strip and walked down to The Venetian where we contemplated taking a gondola ride but decided against it.  We walked past Madame Tusseauds wax museum, where we took pictures with The Rock and Justin Timberlake.  Next time I’m in Vegas, I want to actually go inside and take pictures with all the celebrities.

gondola

The Venetian

therock

The Rock

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Group shot with JT

jt

Obviously I needed a solo shot too

We later met up with others at Centre Cut Steakhouse in the Flamingo for martinis and bacon.  Because who doesn’t love martinis and bacon?  Especially when there’s three different kinds of bacon.

martinis

Pomegranate lemon martini

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Trio Bacon Satay

More people showed up as the hours went by.  The group from DC took a limo from the airport, which somehow may have ended up being cheaper than the shuttle I took.  I was jealous.  Eventually I met Kitty and another Megan, who were my other roommates for the night.  I think I ended my night watching TV and eagerly anticipating what the rest of the trip had in store for me.

room

Interterminal Issues

<—–Previous Vegas Post

So I’ve decided to sporadically write my posts about Vegas whenever I feel like it, in between posts about various other things.  At this rate, I’ll still be writing them in the winter.  But whatever.  That works for me.  Bloggers in Sin City was just full of so much stuff that I feel like I need to write like ten posts about it at least.

When I arrived at the McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas in May, I was supposed to meet up with Jessica, a fellow blogger who I had never met, because our flights arrived ten minutes apart.  So it made sense that we could just meet up, and make our way to the Flamingo together.  Simple, right?  Or so we thought.

I picked up my luggage at baggage claim 26.  Jessica was at baggage claim 10.  This is where the confusion began, because wherever Jessica was, the numbers only went up to 16.  How was this possible?  I was clearly at baggage claim 26.  Had I entered some magical world like how Harry Potter goes to platform 1 and 3/4?  I didn’t recall having ran through any walls or anything, so that couldn’t be it.

photoAnd that’s when we realized that we were at different terminals.  Curse the Las Vegas airport for being so damn big.  So we brilliantly decided to take the interterminal shuttles to meet each other.  So we both went to the shuttles and got on them.  At the same time.  Going in opposite directions.  It was too late to turn back.  So I believe Jessica simply stayed on her shuttle and took a round trip to meet me back at terminal 1.  Or was it 3?  I don’t even know anymore.  And yes, this was all as confusing as it sounds, possibly more so.

We wandered a bit and eventually had to go ask someone where the hell the hotel shuttles were.  Upon finding them, we patiently waited until it came time to board.  And then patiently waited while it drove oh so very slowly around the strip, proceeding to drop off every other passenger but us.  Not only were we the last to get to our hotel, the driver even stopped to pick up people to take back to the airport before finally dropping us off at The Flamingo.  Actually, she dropped us off a block away from the Flamingo because of “construction” or whatever.  We hoped that this experience would not be indicative of the rest of our time in Vegas.  It was unfortunate that our shuttle ride took so long, but if I was going to have to spend a ridiculous amount of time getting from the airport to the hotel, I’m sure as hell glad that time spent was with Jessica because she made it awesome.

Next Vegas Post—–>

Alternate titles for my previous blog post

Here is a list of 20 alternate titles that I could have used for my previous blog post,          The Surprise

Surprise!

The gift of a penis

And then I whipped it out

Public indecency

Mini penis cake pop

That special night

I know how to satisfy

Dick in a box

It was tasty

Thank you for the penis

The perfect gift

She liked my penis

True friendship

Mmm, chocolate

Viewer discretion is advised

Put it in your mouth

Suck my dick

Something special

Oh, you shouldn’t have

How to satisfy a woman

The surprise

I wanted to give her something special.  Something that I knew she would enjoy.  All I wanted was to make her happy.  I guess I kind of did it without warning.  I knew that she would love it but I also knew that she wasn’t expecting anything.  She thought we were just going out like normal and that nothing was going to happen.  But she thought wrong.

I sat there and waited for the right time to do it.  Was there a right time?  I didn’t know.  But I knew that tonight was the night.  We were close enough that this was something I could do without seeming inappropriate or scaring her off.  Some may have found it awkward.  But I knew that she was different.  She would appreciate what I had to offer.  And so I just whipped it out.  In public.  She was shocked at first but she liked it and in the end she was satisfied and thanked me for it.

So yeah, I’m talking about last night when I gave my friend a mini penis shaped cake pop that I got from the Erotic Cake booth at the Taboo Naughty But Nice Show in Vancouver.

cake pop

Nothing says friendship like a mini penis cake pop.

Nine Psychopaths

Friend: I need to see a feel good movie.

Me: Seven Psychopaths?

Friend: You already got one psychopath right here.

Me: Make that two.