That time I almost blinded myself: The most epic staring contest of all time

Don’t you hate it when there’s something in your eye and it stings and itches and you can’t seem to get it out and your eyes begin to water?  That happened to me at work the other day and I was pretty much almost crying in my office.  I know you’re not supposed to rub your eyes, but sometimes I can’t help it because they get really itchy.  Damn allergies.  Also for a long while, my eyes would water every morning as I waited for the bus because the air and the weather were so cold that they had that effect, so it would look like I was just crying when really my eyes would just end up physically watering as a reaction to the cold.  Apparently this happened to my sister recently and some guy went up to her and asked if she was okay, because it looked like she was crying.

Anyway, this all made me think of the time when I went to the Bloggers in Sin City conference in Las Vegas a couple years ago.  It was less of a conference, and more of a get together where I got to do a lot of fun Vegas things and meet an awesome bunch of people who love social media as much as I do.  It was the second day of the conference, and we had our own private party welcome mixer at Serendipity 3, across from the Flamingo.  There were lots of appies and drinks.  And also games.  Because of course with a group of strangers, you’re going to have some sort of ice breaker type thing.  I remember we had to pair up and give our partners 8 second hugs.  I’m not a hugger, but the hugs were good.  The hugs are not what almost destroyed me.  What happened after the hugs was.

Serendipity 3

Serendipity 3

We had a staring contest.  I’m sure most of you have had staring contests at some point in your life.  Because it’s a stupid thing that we do because we can.  Mostly as children, but why not as adults?  But this wasn’t just your average staring contest.  It was literally the most intense staring contest, or possibly contest of any kind, that I’ve endured.  There were prizes at stake.  And good prizes too.  There were 68 of us, and with the exception of the organizers, we were all assigned a competitor to begin with.  Each group would have a stare off, and the winner of that pair would then move on to face another worthy opponent, and so on and so forth until one of us would emerge victorious.

Now, I’m not very good at a lot of things, competitively speaking.  I am terrible at sports.  And pretty terrible at video games too.  I can do decently at a few boardgames.  What sucks is that despite my lack of skill, I’m still a fairly competitive person.  I love winning.  Because who doesn’t?  Don’t we all want to be winners?  Since I have zero athletic ability, maybe this was my time to shine.  Staring?  I was good at that.  Hell, I stare all the time.  Sometimes I space out and don’t even realize I’m staring.  And blinking is so overrated.  I could totally do this, no problem.

stare1

I fared quite well against my first few opponents.  My eyes were open far longer than theirs.  Finally, something I was good at.  I kept on going, beating every competitor who dared to stare into my eyes, for I stared back into theirs even harder.  They were simply no match for my supreme staring ability.  And then, there was Larissa.

stare4

I didn’t really peg her for someone who was so competitive.  Nor did I peg her for someone who could or would make me cry.  But she was, and she did.  Maybe I had gotten a little too cocky by this point and had just instilled myself with a false sense of confidence?  Maybe I had strained my eyes a little at this point from all the previous stare offs?  Maybe Larissa was just a superhuman who doesn’t blink like a normal human being?    All these things would eventually lead to my downfall.

stare6

We stared at each other like no one has ever stared before, our eyes piercing into one another’s as if seeing deep into our souls.  Perhaps she enacted some sort of gaze mind control trick, I can’t be too sure.  Minutes passed by and neither of us showed signs of blinking.  We had our game faces on and would not give in without a fight, no matter how painful.  And it was, indeed, painful.  As the minutes added up, my eyes eventually began to sting.  They were not meant to remain open for this long without blinking.  But no pain, no gain, right?  I could push through this.

stare3

And then came the water works.  Tears began to stream down my face.  No, more like pour.  Rivers just pouring out of my eyes.  But still, I did not blink.  People watched in horror at this spectacle.  Larissa yelled at me to blink, partly because she wanted to win, and partly because I think she was genuinely concerned and slightly horrified that I was literally crying right in front of her.  I was a mess.  And so was my face.  I’m pretty sure I lost more tears that day than on any other day of my life.  At one point, I thought I saw Larissa blink but I was mistaken.  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t see clearly at that point anyhow.  But still I stared on, doing everything in my power to keep my eyes open, despite every fibre of my being telling me I needed to blink.  But as more time passed, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I offered up a single blink.  It looked like I was crying because I lost, but really my tear ducts were just still messed up from my lack of blinking.  Larissa went on to the final round, beating out Kitty and winning the whole damn competition.  I can’t remember what it was exactly that she won.  I think it was a gift card and some cell phone stuff.  Like good tech stuff.  I tried to forget, since I was clearly envious.  The whole ordeal had been a lot harder for me than it had been for her, and yet she reaped the rewards.

stare7

After my defeat, I had to sit for a while.  I know, it wasn’t like it was physically draining activity in terms of strength, but I was still a bit out of it.  And I couldn’t see properly.  Like my vision was really blurred.  I pride myself on having perfect vision and I was worried I may have jeopardized this all for a silly contest.  I made my way to try and find the bathroom, and the staff clearly though I was drunk, because I was out of it and stumbling and my makeup was all messed up.  Little did they know that this was because I couldn’t see properly.  I did my best to wipe away the last of the tears and to salvage my makeup and to gain my vision back.  Luckily, I managed to do so.

I don’t know if it’s possible to permanently damage your vision from excessive eye strain or lack of blinking, but I was so paranoid afterwards, especially when time had passed and my vision was still blurred.  Thankfully, it all went back to normal eventually and I vowed never to jeopardize my eyes like that ever again.  But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t secretly dream of a rematch in which I vowed revenge took back the glory that should have been mine…

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That explains it

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fnerdist.com%2Fonce-upon-a-time-recap-lily%2F&ei=0GtBVcX9MYuuogTYnYCIBg&bvm=bv.92189499,d.cGU&psig=AFQjCNFWGDWpOJ3smr_4TyRNF85rKqgxQQ&ust=1430437154264684Any Once Upon A Time fans out there?  If you’re up to date with the series, you know that Maleficent lost her child, because Snow White and Prince Charming, fearful that Emma may be born evil, cursed Maleficent’s child with that evil instead and had her banished to the real world.  Because convoluted plot lines are an absolute must on the show.  And of course, that child ended up being Lily, Emma’s former childhood friend, who she pushed away since she seemed to cause nothing but trouble.  And now Maleficent, upon hearing her daughter is still alive, has asked Emma to go and find her, so that they can be happily reunited.  And apparently Lily has already since learned the truth of what happened to her, because the sorcerer told her so years ago on a train.  How did the sorcerer even get to the real world and find her?  No idea.  But Lily knows that her bad decisions and the fact that everything in her life seems to be so screwed up is not entirely her fault.  Everything is harder for her, because she was cursed.

I don’t know, when they said she would be cursed with the most powerful evil, I assumed that she would end up being, you know, evil.  Not just a person who makes bad decisions and has a shitty life.  Just because you’re a huge screw up and bad things happen when you’re around, doesn’t mean that you’re evil.  It makes you human.  If she were truly evil, wouldn’t she be more like Cruella, who was just a born psychopath?  When they said that she was cursed with a powerful evil and that her name was Lilith, I immediately thought of Lilith from Supernatural.  Because that bitch was evil.

After watching the last episode, I thought to myself, I feel like maybe I’m actually cursed with someone else’s evil, and that’s why I make bad life choices.  Wouldn’t it actually be great to know that your shitty life wasn’t entirely your fault and that there was someone else to blame?  That every time you made the worst decision ever, it didn’t necessarily reflect badly on you, because that’s the way you were made to be?  If there was such a thing as magic and evil and curses, I feel like that would totally explain my life.

A sign that I shouldn’t start blogging again

Today, being April Fool’s Day, life decided to play a cruel joke on me.  So yesterday when I got home from work, I made chicken, not because I wanted it for dinner, but because I wanted it for my lunch for today. Before I went to bed, I packed my lunch, a large container of rice, chicken, vegetables, and avocado. I was looking forward to it. Needless to say, I did not get to have it for lunch today. Did I forget it at home? No, that would be too easy. Where is my lunch now? Sitting on a bus somewhere. I left it on the damn bus. 

What’s particularly annoying is that I realized I’d forgotten it as soon as I got off, but by then it was too late. I watched the bus drive away, debating whether or not I should run after it. I work at a university, UBC to be specific. There’s a lot of construction, currently, and always, which makes it difficult to get around. At times, it can be like a massive obstacle course just getting from building to building. This being the case, I got off the bus at the stop before the bus loop, to save myself the time and effort of maneuvering around the construction in that area. Upon realizing what I left behind, I made my way to the bus loop, figuring that maybe, just maybe, I could flag down the bus before it left. Unfortunately for me, it took longer than I’d hoped, by the time I crossed the street twice and made my way over. 

Once there, I had no idea which bus was the bus I had been on, or if it was even still there. I saw a #43 bus, but it wasn’t the same #43 bus that I had been on. The loop is massive and buses are randomly parked and pulling up every which way. Some also change their number to NIS when they are parked, since they are not in service at the time. I tried to remember what the driver looked like, and I think I may have found the right bus. Sadly, I found it as it was driving away, out of the bus loop, and out of my life. Forever.

I called Translink but they have no direct contact with the drivers. I must have sounded so sad and pathetic reporting a lost lunch bag. But this wasn’t just any old lunch bag. In fact you would even know it was a lunch bag just by looking at it. It was one of those insulated ones that looks like a purse. When I would carry it around, it simply looked like it was a small purse. Not to mention the fork and the Tupperware container inside it. And the food. My food, damnit! I spent all day thinking about the great meal I could have had but didn’t. It doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. But imagine if I had lost a twenty dollar bill on the bus instead. When you add up the cost of the bag and the food and everything, it’s basically the same thing. I also take care to prepare my lunch every day because I have some dietary restrictions which can make it difficult to find something suitable when eating out. I ended up having to buy a sad looking bagel sandwich, which was very unsatisfying.

 So yeah. First world problem at its finest. But why, you ask, should I take this as a sign that I shouldn’t start blogging again? Well, when I was getting off the bus, I was in the midst of publishing my previous blog post this morning. And that distraction is what caused me to be so neglectful as to forget my damn lunch purse on the ground beside my seat. For some reason, the WordPress app kept on logging me out of my account, as I tried desperately to save and publish my post. I managed to do so, but at what cost?

I suppose it could have also happened in order to give my something random and unnewsworthy to blog about right now. But it’s not as if I’m going to run out of material anytime soon.

Loki’s Chinese Restaurant

On the way to work this morning, I was taking the 41 bus along 41st street. Sometimes I get bored and look out the window. One of the places that the bus drove by was Lok’s Chinese Restaurant. At first glance, I thought it said Loki’s Chinese Restaurant. Obviously, that’s not a real thing. But how awesome would that be if it was?

So now I’m going to go ahead and add that to my list of goals/dreams. Opening up a place called Loki’s Chinese Restaurant. Because who wouldn’t want to eat there? And I would call it that even if we didn’t serve Chinese food. Just because I like the way it sounds.

Imagine having Loki as your waiter. I would make sure that there are pictures of Tom Hiddleston all over the walls and at every table. All the wait staff would be dressed as Loki. And all the TVs would be playing Thor, Thor 2, or the Avengers. Sorry, no sports. Unless Tom Hiddleston is at the game.

If not me, can someone please make this dream a reality?

Roses are red…

The other day, I was looking through old junk in my room. It still looks like a bad episode of Hoarders in there. But at least I tried. I also found some really old journals. I haven’t kept a diary since high school. So naturally I began to read through some of them. There’s a lot of dumb shit in there, as I’m sure you can imagine. Was I really as stupid as those pages would indicate? Apparently so.

I also used to write poems. I thought of myself as somewhat of a poet. But I guess lost that at some point along the way. What a tragedy to the world. I could have been as epic as Keats or Wordsworth or Shelley or Browning. Or Shakespeare or Byron or Burns or Tennyson. And yes, I’m totally just naming poets whose names I remember from my English Literature 12 class. And you know what, some of them wrote random odes to things too. Robert Burns wrote “To a Louse“. I kind of think my odes to my umbrella and my phone are more meaningful that that.

But the poems that caught my eye in this old journal were the simple ones. I had a few pages where I had come up with my own versions of the “Roses are red” poem. Because why wouldn’t I? I think at some point everyone has come up with their own versions of this poem, whether they be good or bad. Side note, did no one ever realize that violets are actually violet, and not in fact blue? I mean it’s right there in the name of the flower. I’ve always had a problem with that. But anyway, I won’t share all of the versions that I came up with. They weren’t all that great. But I will share with you the one that I’ve now deemed as my favourite:

Roses are red.
Water is clear.
You’re still ugly.
I need some more beer.

Yeah. I should really get a job writing for Hallmark.

I guess this is goodbye

You were always there for me.
Whenever I wanted you.
Whenever I needed you.
Always looking so vibrant and so alive.
Always ready for whatever adventure I might take you on.
I fear I may have used you too often.
Perhaps it’s my fault what inevitably happened.
I don’t blame you for one second.
Other were noticing that you were beginning to grow old beyond your years.
That you were no longer beautiful like you once were.
They told me that it was time to get rid of you.
But I refused.
In my eyes, your beauty did not fade, no matter how worn you began to look.
I held on still, for as long as I possibly could.
But I guess this is finally the end.

………………………………………………………..

So yeah, my red rain boots finally broke beyond repair.  It is truly a sad day.