Why yes, this is a new dress. Thanks for noticing. I managed to drag my ass out of the house yesterday to go to Italian Day on Commercial Drive with my friend. I’m not the hugest fan of street festivals, mainly because I hate crowds, but I like to attend them occasionally and it was fun. Hot and crowded, but fun. I shaved my legs really quickly in the morning before leaving the house, but my electric razor died before I was done. But I figured it was okay that I didn’t fully shave, since that could be my way of celebrating Italian Day. Since people in European countries aren’t as obsessed with shaving as we are in North America. There were lots of booths and vendors selling various goods and food. Of course I would stop to look at the ones with dresses. I can’t remember which store this one was from, but they had a booth set up and some of the racks had dresses priced at 2 for $30. So this is one of the 2 I decided on. I didn’t try them on, so I wasn’t sure if they would fit properly, but I decided to risk it. It’s a little loose, but otherwise fits well. Better too big than too small, because I’m not going to try squish into a dress that doesn’t fit. My only regret is that I didn’t buy a Janet Jackson shirt that they had in the same booth, especially since she’s touring this summer and I could’ve worn it to her concert. But maybe I can go back and still find at some point. I really like this dress because it’s so bright and colourful. And it just so happened that my green Ross cardigan would match exactly the colour of green in the dress. It’s like it was meant to be. I wore it with my green and gold jewellery, necklace and ring from UBC, earrings from a Lansdowne kiosk, and bracelet from Dollarama. Yay for adding more colourful dresses to my wardrobe!
(I just spent a few minutes distraught over the spelling of the word “defence.” I actually like the look of “defense” better. But defense is the American way, and defence is the British and Canadian way. So I guess I’ll have to stick with that.)
I’m a self-identified narcissist. I wasn’t always. No one has actually ever outright told me that I was a narcissist. A few may have strongly implied it. My friend asked me why I thought I was narcissistic and I asked “Would a non-narcissistic person post daily selfies of herself?” Well, would they? I’d like to know. It’s more something I joke about than something I’m actually concerned about. Being too narcissistic is definitely the least of my worries. It’s not even on my list of worries really. I use the hashtags #narcissist and #vanity on Instagram whenever I post photos of myself. I used to actually hate selfies. Like, really hate them. I thought they were something that only extremely self-absorbed, narcissistic individuals did. And then I realized that I am a self-absorbed, narcissistic individual. And I embraced it full on.
Throughout my life, I’ve always seen things about “learning to love yourself” and “being happy with who you are.” It’s kind of sad that these are messages that have to be repeated over and over again to such a strong degree, because it implies that a lot of people don’t love themselves and aren’t happy with who they are. And that’s really sad. Every person in the world has some degree of insecurity about themselves. No one is perfect. I’ll bet even Beyonce has moments when she doesn’t feel absolutely flawless, as shocking as that may sound. Even the richest and most powerful people in the world must have moments where they wish at least one little thing about them was different.
I feel like the whole idea of loving yourself is embraced by society, but only up to a certain point. As if you should love yourself, but not love yourself too much. Because then you’re just seen as selfish and self absorbed. I don’t mean you should only and always put yourself first and say to hell with everyone else, but you are important. I don’t think I’ve always been narcissistic. As I child, I don’t think I was. I often joke about hating myself and use self deprecating humour whenever I have the chance. But in order to really pull off self deprecating humour, and to have the ability to laugh at yourself, I think you need and possess a certain degree of self confidence and security. Otherwise it’s less humorous and more depressing. I don’t like to boast about my accomplishments and achievements the way some people do. Maybe I would, if I’d accomplished more in my life. I also don’t need to post daily selfies. It’s just something that I do.
I’ve also seen a lot of articles about “learning to do things alone” and “making time for yourself.” It seems odd to me that these are things that people need to learn how to do. I’ve always done things by myself and thought nothing of it. It took a while for me to realize that not everyone feels secure doing things on their own, especially when they are so used to having someone always be there. Going to a concert alone seems like such a foreign concept to some people. Like they wouldn’t be caught dead doing so and to do so would somehow be pathetic. But why? Why do we feel the need to have someone accompany us to all things all the time? I’ve been to concerts and other various events by myself and had a great time. Some people would hate the idea of being alone on a Friday or Saturday night, but sometimes it’s nice to have a night off to yourself to just relax and do whatever you feel like doing or not doing.
One of the main reasons why it’s important to be comfortable with yourself and who you are and make yourself a priority is because you’re stuck with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most secure one in your life. You can’t take a break from yourself. You can’t take a night off from yourself. You are always there. You are always you. How awful would life be if you were stuck with a person you didn’t like 24/7? It would be truly miserable. Loving and appreciating yourself for who you are, despite your flaws, is essential if you want to get through life and not be unhappy. This doesn’t mean you have to take selfies, or love the way you look, or shun everyone else. But as long as whatever you’re doing that makes you happy isn’t hurting anyone, then I say go for it.
I found myself wondering the other day if a person could go to rehab for narcissistic personality. But I wouldn’t want to go for a cure, I’d just want to go because rehab always sounds fabulous, at least when rich celebrities do it. Maybe I’m not actually a narcissist. Do truly narcissistic people even realize that they’re narcissists? Sometimes you need to be a little self-absorbed, especially if you have health concerns or legitimate reasons that you need to take extra care of yourself. I think that it’s possible to be narcissistic in a good way, as long as your narcissism isn’t having a negative impact on the people around you, and as long as you are still capable of extending love to others, as well as yourself.
I do realize that today’s society is filled with selfish people and if certain individuals were to think of others instead of themselves for a change, that would do some good. But in contrast, I also believe there are many people who neglect themselves and don’t put enough focus on embracing who they are. I think it’s important to strive to achieve a healthy balance of valuing yourself and valuing other people.
I wanted another fun outfit that day because I was going to a Neil Diamond concert after work. And yes, I’m pretty sure I was the youngest person there. I got this dress at H&M. I actually wore it to my interview for my current job but with a different sweater. So it has to be lucky or something, right? Or maybe I just feel really confident when I wear it? Is it weird that I love a dress with birds on it when in reality I actually hate birds and find them super annoying? I repeated my purple Jacob sweater and my grey Bryan’s leggings (pretty much the only leggings I own that currently fit). My aunt gave me these silver earrings as a birthday present one year and I think they might be my favourite pair. I love that they’re big enough to stand out, but not so big that they’re too heavy or obnoxious. I decided to wear two bracelets that day, because, yay, concert! One is from Claire’s and one might be from the dollar store. The necklace is also from Claire’s and the ring is from UBC.
I literally bought this dress at Winners the day before I wore it. I had tried it on over the weekend and regrettably not bought it, so when I went back to look for it and it was still there, I knew that it was meant to be. I just fell in love with the shape and the pattern and everything about it. I paired it with my pink cardigan from the Plenty Warehouse sale, because I felt like it matched well, and I had vowed to wear the hell out of it. I was going to the New Kids On the Block concert right after work that day, so I wanted an outfit that was fun. My shiny metallic scarf is pretty much my concert scarf because I like that it stands out. I got my heart necklace from a vendor at Fan Expo Vancouver this year, which was the same weekend as the Plenty sale. I like the style because it’s supposed to be like those life hearts in video games. My earrings are from Claire’s, my ring is from UBC, and I do believe that is another dollar store bracelet. Still not ashamed.
I just can’t seem to keep up with it. I have so many drafts of blog posts I’ve written but never quite finished or never published. I found a draft of a post I wrote about a concert I went to two years ago. What am I supposed to do with that now? Post it? Delete it? Write a new post critiquing the old post? I don’t even know.
My problem is I’ll start writing something or think about writing something, but by the time I actually get around to posting it, it’s no longer relevant. Or even less relevant than it was to begin with. Especially when I write about something in the news or some event. If it’s been over a month since it happened, should I even bother anymore?
Maybe I’ll post them anyway. Since they’re there. My timing is horrible. I’ll go weeks with nothing, and then post five things in two days. But better late than never, right?