Seventy-third day of work selfie

It’s about time I wore my most colourful dress again.  I got it in the States at Ross Dress For Less.  I wore it with a more colourful sweater this time, the purple one that I got at Urban Behavior at Metrotown.  Apparently there was a stabbing at Metrotown last week, outside Build-A-Bear.  I’m glad I generally keep my distance from that mall.  It’s actually a terrifying place sometimes.  I bought this purple necklace at Car Free Day on Main Street a couple weeks ago.  I like how it matches the purple ring I got at Greek Day on Broadway two Sundays ago.  I also got my purple clothespin earrings at Greek Day.  I guess you could say I’m wearing them ironically, since I don’t actually use clothespins and I hate doing laundry.  Maybe they could serve as a reminder for me when I forget to do my laundry? 

Fifty-fourth day of work selfie

Its annoying how almost all of my dresses are too short to wear without leggings.  This one is just long enough.  You know how some places make pants in a long or tall size?  Can they make dresses like that as well?  I remember one time in high school, my friend let me borrow her short skirt, but on me it was more like a mini skirt.  I remember saying that a long skirt for her would be a short skirt for me, a short skirt for her would be a mini skirt for me, and a mini skirt for her would basically be a belt for me.

I asked my mom if this dress was too short when I was leaving the house and she was like “Just be careful when you’re sitting down, especially on the bus.”  I told her I probably wouldn’t get a seat anyway, so it would be fine.  The worst thing about wearing a short dress is having your legs directly against the gross bus seats when you sit down.  My friend told me to do the finger length test and put my arms by my side, and if the dress was past my fingers, then it was fine.  Is that an actual thing that people do?  Apparently they used to make employees do that when I worked at Jacob.  I don’t remember though, I guess I mostly wore pants there.

I got this purple dress from Urban Behavior at Metrotown (It always bothers me to write “Behavior” without a “u” in it).  I got the tank top underneath it from Jacob, when I worked at the Richmond Centre location before they went out of business.  The dress is really thin and would possibly be a bit see-through without it.  In which case, the length would no longer matter.  I got the floral jacket from Suzy Shier at Capilano mall.  My mom asked me if it was new. It’s not, but this is only the second time I’ve worn it.  The necklace and bracelet are both from Claires, the ring is from UBC, and the music note earrings are from a booth outside the PNE Marketplace.  My continually chipping nail polish matches my outfit again.  I really like that colour.  But apparently not enough to maintain a proper manicure.

In defence of narcissism

(I just spent a few minutes distraught over the spelling of the word “defence.”  I actually like the look of “defense” better.  But defense is the American way, and defence is the British and Canadian way.  So I guess I’ll have to stick with that.)

I’m a self-identified narcissist.  I wasn’t always.  No one has actually ever outright told me that I was a narcissist.  A few may have strongly implied it.  My friend asked me why I thought I was narcissistic and I asked “Would a non-narcissistic person post daily selfies of herself?”  Well, would they?  I’d like to know.  It’s more something I joke about than something I’m actually concerned about.  Being too narcissistic is definitely the least of my worries.  It’s not even on my list of worries really.  I use the hashtags #narcissist and #vanity on Instagram whenever I post photos of myself.  I used to actually hate selfies.  Like, really hate them.  I thought they were something that only extremely self-absorbed, narcissistic individuals did.  And then I realized that I am a self-absorbed, narcissistic individual.  And I embraced it full on.

Throughout my life, I’ve always seen things about “learning to love yourself” and “being happy with who you are.”  It’s kind of sad that these are messages that have to be repeated over and over again to such a strong degree, because it implies that a lot of people don’t love themselves and aren’t happy with who they are.  And that’s really sad.  Every person in the world has some degree of insecurity about themselves.  No one is perfect.  I’ll bet even Beyonce has moments when she doesn’t feel absolutely flawless, as shocking as that may sound.  Even the richest and most powerful people in the world must have moments where they wish at least one little thing about them was different.

I feel like the whole idea of loving yourself is embraced by society, but only up to a certain point.  As if you should love yourself, but not love yourself too much.  Because then you’re just seen as selfish and self absorbed.  I don’t mean you should only and always put yourself first and say to hell with everyone else, but you are important.  I don’t think I’ve always been narcissistic.  As I child, I don’t think I was.  I often joke about hating myself and use self deprecating humour whenever I have the chance.  But in order to really pull off self deprecating humour, and to have the ability to laugh at yourself, I think you need and possess a certain degree of self confidence and security.  Otherwise it’s less humorous and more depressing.  I don’t like to boast about my accomplishments and achievements the way some people do.  Maybe I would, if I’d accomplished more in my life.  I also don’t need to post daily selfies.  It’s just something that I do.

I’ve also seen a lot of articles about “learning to do things alone” and “making time for yourself.”  It seems odd to me that these are things that people need to learn how to do.  I’ve always done things by myself and thought nothing of it.  It took a while for me to realize that not everyone feels secure doing things on their own, especially when they are so used to having someone always be there.  Going to a concert alone seems like such a foreign concept to some people.  Like they wouldn’t be caught dead doing so and to do so would somehow be pathetic.  But why?  Why do we feel the need to have someone accompany us to all things all the time?  I’ve been to concerts and other various events by myself and had a great time.  Some people would hate the idea of being alone on a Friday or Saturday night, but sometimes it’s nice to have a night off to yourself to just relax and do whatever you feel like doing or not doing.

One of the main reasons why it’s important to be comfortable with yourself and who you are and make yourself a priority is because you’re stuck with yourself.  Your relationship with yourself is the most secure one in your life.  You can’t take a break from yourself.  You can’t take a night off from yourself.  You are always there.  You are always you.  How awful would life be if you were stuck with a person you didn’t like 24/7?  It would be truly miserable.  Loving and appreciating yourself for who you are, despite your flaws, is essential if you want to get through life and not be unhappy.  This doesn’t mean you have to take selfies, or love the way you look, or shun everyone else.  But as long as whatever you’re doing that makes you happy isn’t hurting anyone, then I say go for it.

I found myself wondering the other day if a person could go to rehab for narcissistic personality.  But I wouldn’t want to go for a cure, I’d just want to go because rehab always sounds fabulous, at least when rich celebrities do it.  Maybe I’m not actually a narcissist.  Do truly narcissistic people even realize that they’re narcissists?  Sometimes you need to be a little self-absorbed, especially if you have health concerns or legitimate reasons that you need to take extra care of yourself.  I think that it’s possible to be narcissistic in a good way, as long as your narcissism isn’t having a negative impact on the people around you, and as long as you are still capable of extending love to others, as well as yourself.

I do realize that today’s society is filled with selfish people and if certain individuals were to think of others instead of themselves for a change, that would do some good.  But in contrast, I also believe there are many people who neglect themselves and don’t put enough focus on embracing who they are.  I think it’s important to strive to achieve a healthy balance of valuing yourself and valuing other people.

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Because this wouldn’t be a post about narcissism if I didn’t include a selfie

Forty-seventh day of work selfie

I got this blue top from Suzy Shier.  I also have it in black, but they were like $5 each, so why would I not buy more than one?  I think it was at Richmond Centre before they closed so maybe that’s why it was so cheap.  My purple sweater is from Urban Behavior in Metrotown.  Blue and purple are two of my favourite colours and I love pairing them together.  My jewellery includes my Swarovski necklace, Claire’s earrings, UBC ring, and Dollarama bracelet.  It’s getting warmer so I may not be wearing these Marshalls pants for much longer.  

Thirty-seventh day of work selfie

Yes, I finally wore an outfit that matched my Winners cell phone case!  I love leopard print.  Some people find it weird that I have so many articles of clothing in leopard print but I don’t care.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it and I think it looks good.  I got this sweater from H&M.  They had it in a bunch of solid colours as well, but obviously this one was the best.  The matching scarf is from that Metrotown scarf kiosk.  Yes, they had other options besides sparkly.  And the necklace is from Payless.  Because every shoe store should have a good selection of nickel free jewellery.  I wore this blue Dynamite dress during my first week of work, but it’s one of my favourites, so why not wear it again?  I think blue pairs nicely with leopard print.  These earrings are from Claire’s.  I hadn’t worn them in a while but they seemed to go with this outfit. Leopard print forever!

Twenty-sixth day of work selfie

Another dress with flowers on it.  Also from the Orb warehouse sale I went to at the Delta Town and Country Inn.  Dresses were 3 for $50, and this was one of them.  It originally had a belt, or more like a thin rope that tied around the middle.  But I’ve somehow pretty much lost all the belts I own.  Maybe they’ll turn up someday.  Or maybe they won’t.  But I don’t need them anyhow.  The blue dress is from Forever 21 at Metrotown and the matching blue scarf is from Suzy Shier.  And I’m repeating my blue and teal jewellery because these items just happen to match the majority of my outfits.  Full disclosure, I got this bracelet from the dollar store at Lansdowne Centre and I’m not ashamed.  Why should I pay a lot of money for a nice bracelet when I can get one at Dollarama for $2.50? Sometimes the dollar store has nickel free jewellery too.  Dollar stores have come a long way, especially since most items there are no longer just a dollar.  There are still items there that I refuse to buy, like underwear or off brand food.  But there’s no shame in buying something you think is nice just because it’s being sold at a cheap place.

Twenty-second day of work selfie

I got this floral pattered dress from Costa Blanca, when we still had one at Richmond Centre.  I used to only wear it for special occasions, like Easter Mass, or my brother’s high school graduation, but it’s casual enough for everyday wear.  It’s one of those dresses where it’s like slightly too short to wear without leggings.  I had become so used to wearing darker colours in previous jobs and I like being able to wear something colourful.  I got this purple sweater from Urban Behavior at Metrotown.  I like how my blue flower necklace kind of blends into a lot of my outfits.  The purple scarf is from Suzy Shier.  I’m not sure where exactly I got the earrings from.  But I like them and I tend to wear a lot of small, light, dangly earrings.  I think they were either from this random place in the States that sells hair products, or from a kiosk at Lansdowne.  Or from somewhere else entirely.  All that matters is they look good and complement many of my outfits.

Twentieth day of work selfie

I got this red dress from Forever 21 at Metrotown a few years ago.  I remember I was shopping with my friend at the time and when I asked what she thought of it, she said she didn’t like it.  But I liked it, so I bought it anyway.  I think I got the black sweater from Sirens, possibly when there was still a location at Richmond Centre.  I remember getting crappy service there, but I liked the stuff they sold.  The shiny red scarf is yet another from the kiosk at Metrotown.  They had a deal where the more you buy, the more you save, so of course I bought more.  I think the red earrings were from a kiosk in Lansdowne.  I remember I bought a necklace to match, but one day I wore it and then when I got home, the pendant was gone and I was left with just the chain.  So upsetting.

The shapes and patterns in this dress kind of make me think of modern art.

Seventeenth day of work selfie

This dress is also colourful, but I subdued it with a black sweater.  The dress is from one of my shopping excursions to the States when I made a stop at Ross Dress For Less.  The black sweater is from Forever 21.  I realize I’m no longer 21.  Although some people still think I look young.  The other day I was in my friend’s car and Taylor Swift’s song “22” was playing.  I don’t actually like Taylor Swift, but as I sat there I thought, “Yeah, 22 was actually a pretty good year.”  Or maybe it wasn’t and I just think it was.  All the years are kind of blending together for me now, so I don’t even know anymore.  The purple scarf is from Suzy Shier.  I miss when we used to have one at Richmond Centre.  Now I have to go all the way to Metrotown or Capilano Mall and that very rarely happens.  Maybe I shouldn’t have subdued the dress with darker colours.  Maybe next time I’ll pair it with something even brighter.  Whatever keeps me looking young, I guess.

Fifteenth day of work selfie

I remember buying this purple dress at Urban Behavior at Metrotown.  There are so many different “Urban” stores that it’s easy to get them confused.  I remember it had no price tag on it and it was the only one of its kind.  I hate when that happens.  It always happens with the one item I really want.  And having worked in retail for nine years, I know what a pain in the ass it is for the employees to try and locate the sku.  But they were eventually able to figure it out, and I purchased the dress for $15.  The tank top with the flowers underneath the dress was from Old Navy.  The purple sweater is one of the few I bought at Jacob while I worked there.  Because their dress code was all black, unless you bought and wore their clothes.  Which, even with a 50% discount, were still pricey.  So consequently, I own a lot of black clothes.  My siblings used to call me goth, not understanding that it wasn’t by choice.  I look good in black though, so no complaints, except for the summer months where I was dying from the heat.  I think the scarf might have been from Orb, since I buy a lot of scarves there but I’m not sure.  The earrings and necklace are from Claire’s, because they have a good nickel free selection and ever since I worked there, I’ve bought countless amounts of their cheap jewellery items.  I’m pretty sure I paid a dollar for those earrings.  I love a good deal.