Sixty-eighth day of work selfie

I’m all pretty in pink today.  Is it too much?  Well if it is, I don’t care.  I got this dress at Car Free Day on Denman Street a couple weekends ago.  They had it in other colours, but the pink one was the most vibrant and just felt right for summer.  The purple tank top I’m wearing under it is from Smart Set.  My pink sweater is from the Plenty warehouse sale at the Vancouver Convention Centre on Easter weekend.  I know it’s hot, but when I’m in the office, the temperature is more regulated so I don’t really notice the heat or humidity until I go outside.  Maybe I should just leave a sweater in my office, since I don’t really need one when I’m outside before or after work.  

I’ve been buying a lot of fancy jewellery lately.  I got this necklace at Greek Day on Broadway yesterday.  I have a similar one in blue that I got from Payless and I got complimented on it, so I thought I’d buy another necklace in that style.  I bought a pair of matching earrings as well, but they are kind of heavy so I didn’t wear them.  I knew they were heavy when I bought them, but I really wanted a matching set.  Maybe next time, I will just wear them briefly for photos and then take them off.  Instead, I decided to wear my pink flip flop earrings which are more lightweight.  I got my shiny bracelet from Car Free Day on Main Street a couple weekends ago.  I somehow didn’t have a pink or purple bracelet to pair with this outfit.  We’ll have to change that soon.  

I love this purple ring that I got at Greek Day yesterday.  But it’s kind of tight.  I didn’t realize until afterwards how tight it is.  And I got a second ring in this size too.  The guy selling them told me it would be okay because my fingers would be less swelled up in the morning when I put on the ring.  But contrary to that, I felt like my fingers were actually more swelled up this morning and the ring felt even tighter.  I tried on the ring on my left hand just to see the difference, and my ring finger on that hand is somehow fatter.  I couldn’t even get the ring off, so I concluded that I must be married to myself now.  I managed to remove it using some lotion.  Is it possible to lose weight in your finger?  Is that a thing?  Maybe tight rings are like a corset for your finger?  I don’t want to hurt myself though.  But I feel like my finger fluctuates in terms of swelling throughout the day, because sometimes I feel like the ring maybe fits and other times I’m like nope, this is definitely way too tight.  I wonder if the guy will let me exchange them.  Except he doesn’t have a physical store and I don’t know what event he’ll be at next.  What a fail.   Maybe I’ll have to find someone who has a more slender finger than I do and bestow a lovely gift upon them.  Or sell it because I paid good money for it.  And also find someone who likes heavy earrings.  Or just keep everything and suffer through the discomfort because beauty is pain.

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In defence of narcissism

(I just spent a few minutes distraught over the spelling of the word “defence.”  I actually like the look of “defense” better.  But defense is the American way, and defence is the British and Canadian way.  So I guess I’ll have to stick with that.)

I’m a self-identified narcissist.  I wasn’t always.  No one has actually ever outright told me that I was a narcissist.  A few may have strongly implied it.  My friend asked me why I thought I was narcissistic and I asked “Would a non-narcissistic person post daily selfies of herself?”  Well, would they?  I’d like to know.  It’s more something I joke about than something I’m actually concerned about.  Being too narcissistic is definitely the least of my worries.  It’s not even on my list of worries really.  I use the hashtags #narcissist and #vanity on Instagram whenever I post photos of myself.  I used to actually hate selfies.  Like, really hate them.  I thought they were something that only extremely self-absorbed, narcissistic individuals did.  And then I realized that I am a self-absorbed, narcissistic individual.  And I embraced it full on.

Throughout my life, I’ve always seen things about “learning to love yourself” and “being happy with who you are.”  It’s kind of sad that these are messages that have to be repeated over and over again to such a strong degree, because it implies that a lot of people don’t love themselves and aren’t happy with who they are.  And that’s really sad.  Every person in the world has some degree of insecurity about themselves.  No one is perfect.  I’ll bet even Beyonce has moments when she doesn’t feel absolutely flawless, as shocking as that may sound.  Even the richest and most powerful people in the world must have moments where they wish at least one little thing about them was different.

I feel like the whole idea of loving yourself is embraced by society, but only up to a certain point.  As if you should love yourself, but not love yourself too much.  Because then you’re just seen as selfish and self absorbed.  I don’t mean you should only and always put yourself first and say to hell with everyone else, but you are important.  I don’t think I’ve always been narcissistic.  As I child, I don’t think I was.  I often joke about hating myself and use self deprecating humour whenever I have the chance.  But in order to really pull off self deprecating humour, and to have the ability to laugh at yourself, I think you need and possess a certain degree of self confidence and security.  Otherwise it’s less humorous and more depressing.  I don’t like to boast about my accomplishments and achievements the way some people do.  Maybe I would, if I’d accomplished more in my life.  I also don’t need to post daily selfies.  It’s just something that I do.

I’ve also seen a lot of articles about “learning to do things alone” and “making time for yourself.”  It seems odd to me that these are things that people need to learn how to do.  I’ve always done things by myself and thought nothing of it.  It took a while for me to realize that not everyone feels secure doing things on their own, especially when they are so used to having someone always be there.  Going to a concert alone seems like such a foreign concept to some people.  Like they wouldn’t be caught dead doing so and to do so would somehow be pathetic.  But why?  Why do we feel the need to have someone accompany us to all things all the time?  I’ve been to concerts and other various events by myself and had a great time.  Some people would hate the idea of being alone on a Friday or Saturday night, but sometimes it’s nice to have a night off to yourself to just relax and do whatever you feel like doing or not doing.

One of the main reasons why it’s important to be comfortable with yourself and who you are and make yourself a priority is because you’re stuck with yourself.  Your relationship with yourself is the most secure one in your life.  You can’t take a break from yourself.  You can’t take a night off from yourself.  You are always there.  You are always you.  How awful would life be if you were stuck with a person you didn’t like 24/7?  It would be truly miserable.  Loving and appreciating yourself for who you are, despite your flaws, is essential if you want to get through life and not be unhappy.  This doesn’t mean you have to take selfies, or love the way you look, or shun everyone else.  But as long as whatever you’re doing that makes you happy isn’t hurting anyone, then I say go for it.

I found myself wondering the other day if a person could go to rehab for narcissistic personality.  But I wouldn’t want to go for a cure, I’d just want to go because rehab always sounds fabulous, at least when rich celebrities do it.  Maybe I’m not actually a narcissist.  Do truly narcissistic people even realize that they’re narcissists?  Sometimes you need to be a little self-absorbed, especially if you have health concerns or legitimate reasons that you need to take extra care of yourself.  I think that it’s possible to be narcissistic in a good way, as long as your narcissism isn’t having a negative impact on the people around you, and as long as you are still capable of extending love to others, as well as yourself.

I do realize that today’s society is filled with selfish people and if certain individuals were to think of others instead of themselves for a change, that would do some good.  But in contrast, I also believe there are many people who neglect themselves and don’t put enough focus on embracing who they are.  I think it’s important to strive to achieve a healthy balance of valuing yourself and valuing other people.

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Because this wouldn’t be a post about narcissism if I didn’t include a selfie

I bought a new pair of sandals

The purple flojos I got at the Orb sale have little peace signs on them that actually end up cutting you between the toes. And so I bought these new Clarks Bendables sandals at Winners. Had my feet not been hurting me at the time, I probably wouldn’t have bought them, or even noticed them. But I’m glad I did.