The other day I was walking down East Mall at UBC on my lunch break. I walked past the Abdul Ladha Science Student Centre, where I saw a sign in the middle of the street that said “Sipping with Santa.” Some student organization was selling hot chocolate for charity. I, of course, misread the sign. I thought what it said was “Stripping with Santa.” This resulted in a combination of confusion and excitement until I looked at it again and realized my mistake. Which then resulted in a combination of embarrassment and disappointment.
It’s really too bad that it wasn’t actually “Stripping with Santa.” That could have been way more fun. They could have had a North Pole candy cane stripper pole, Santa Baby as the main theme song, and lots of tinsel everywhere. And I think they may have raised a lot more money that way. Perhaps I should make that suggestion to them for next year?
I was talking to my friend yesterday about Christmas and how Santa was already in the mall for photos. During our conversation, she said, “I want to be Mrs. Claus, cause then I’d know where all the bad boys live.” I’d never thought of that before. But it’s true, why should Santa be the only one with access to the naughty list? I bet after Santa checks his list twice, Mrs. Claus checks it a third time and makes a mental note about it. I mean, what else is she supposed to do while her husband is visiting all the good kids? She’s got needs and it can’t be easy living with someone who’s overweight and has more facial hair than a hipster during movember. Thank God for the naughty list. What a lucky lady. There must be a reason that Santa is constantly saying “Ho, Ho, Ho.”