I fail at clothes

Yes, that’s right.  I know what you’re thinking, how does a 23 year old woman fail at clothes?  Little girls can start dressing themselves from around the age of 3, maybe not well, but good enough.  So what the hell is my problem?  It’s not like I’ve ever forgotten to wear them or anything, it hasn’t quite come to that just yet.  Maybe when I’m older and senile.  But nevertheless, I do have problems with clothes, other than my obsession with buying them.

Rarely do I ever dress weather appropriate.  It’s not like I do it on purpose.  Well, maybe sometimes.  But generally I try really hard to be compatible with the weather but 90% of the time I fail miserably.  The weather and I were just not meant to be.  I thought maybe we could try to make it work but this relationship was just doomed from the start.  I can’t trust it anymore, it’s lied to me too many times and is just too crazy and bipolar for me.  I refuse to make an effort to cooperate with the weather when it doesn’t treat me right.

A couple days ago, it rained.  And it was cold.  Very fall weather.  While I was on my way to work, the girl ahead of me had on jeans, boots, and a jacket.  She was dressed perfectly for the weather.  And what was I wearing?  Shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops.  Because I somehow thought that that would make sense.  I did have a sweater, but it was very light.  I don’t like dressing for cold weather.  People always ask if I’m cold because I don’t have a jacket on but I tell them that I don’t get cold.  I mean sometimes I do, but for some reason I like to fight it.

The weather is not my only enemy when it comes to clothes.  Sometimes I guess I’m my own enemy?  Or maybe it’s the clothes themselves that are against me?  Not quite sure.  Sometimes I would wear a thin t-shirt, only to realize after leaving the house that it’s see through and that you can see my bra.  Or the shirt I’m wearing is too big for me which causes it to fall too low in the neckline.  Or my leggings have holes in them.  Or the outfit I’ve put together doesn’t exactly match.  Well, you get the idea.

My most recent clothing fail occurred last night.  I have this skirt that has a zipper in the front that goes all the way down to the bottom of the skirt.  I love zippers.  But apparently they don’t love me.  While at Kerkis Greek Taverna for our bookstore rush party, I got up to get a drink.  And it was brought to my attention that my zipper was broken, causing the skirt to be open at the bottom.  Brought to my attention by laughing and pointing and inappropriate jokes.  Luckily, I was wearing spandex shorts underneath.  I’ve totally worn that skirt to work without the shorts before and had it broken at that time, I’m not sure what I would have done.  I’ve also worn that skirt in other public places before, including church.  That would’ve been bad.  At least if it had to happen, it happened in a dark restaurant.  I tried to fix it but to no avail.  Someone asked the waitress for a safety pin but she never came back with one.  Eventually, I just took off the skirt altogether.  It was just easier that way.

I didn’t go home last night because I live in Richmond, it was late, and my skirt was broken.  All a bad combination.  Having crashed at my friend’s place, I had to make my way home today.  In my spandex.  Apparently walking around without pants is less socially acceptable during the day than it is at night.  I can’t imagine why.  It would have helped if my sweater was just a bit longer, but sadly it was not.  It also would have helped if it was a hot day today, then short shorts wouldn’t have been so bad.  It’s too bad it wasn’t the day of the underwear affair run or something.  The shorts weren’t that bad, but I didn’t fit in with all the people wearing long pants.  As I made my way home, I could sense people giving me looks but I pretended not to notice.  I pretended as if I was one of them, my pants wearing companions.

So what have I learned from this?  Nothing really.  I will continue to fail at clothes.  That’s just the way it is and I have come to accept it.  I really loved that skirt and it being broken has caused me to feel broken.  I never have any luck with zippers but this will not stop me from continuing to wear things with them that could easily break.  If I were a celebrity, my wardrobe malfunctions would be caught on camera by the paparazzi.  But since I’m not famous and no one knows who I am, I will just blog about it.