Me versus the crane fly

I hate insects.  They freak me out.  Seriously.  They’re so creepy.  Yes, I’m that girl who doesn’t let much phase her & is so independent but then there’s a giant spider on the wall and she’s completely helpless.  Well, spiders aren’t actually insects, they’re arachnids.  But you get the idea.  Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, I’m not completely helpless, I can figure out how to deal if I have to.  But I don’t go about it very well.  Most people can just get rid of an insect or a spider by hitting it with a shoe or getting it with a paper towel or some such tactic.  For me, there’s a lot more deliberation and freaking out involved.

I don’t have a problem killing insects.  I mean, if it’s easy.  If it’s stationary on the wall and I have something to hit it with then I will.  Or if it’s on the ground and I’m wearing close toed shoes, fine.  But I don’t want to touch it.  Once I kill it, I cringe at the idea of having to dispose of it, even if there’s a large paper towel barrier between it and my hand.  I don’t know what it is that I’m afraid of.  I just don’t like it.  Sometimes I randomly freak out because I feel like a bug is on my arm.  And then after flailing and looking down, I realize it’s just a strand of my own hair that has grazed me.  And then I feel stupid.  And then I get upset by the fact that my hair is shedding.

I really do have a problem with insects though.  And I feel like they have a problem with me.  I really do take this personally.  Pretty much every day, a fly with hit me in the face, usually in the eye or the mouth.  Sometimes several times a day.  That’s not normal, right?  I’m pretty sure this doesn’t just happen to everyone.  It’s like they’re flying too fast and have no time to slow down before crashing into me.  I don’t get it.  I mean, flies are attracted to garbage, and they’re constantly hit me in the face.  Are they trying to tell me something?  That’s just insulting.

Lately, around our home, there have been a lot of crane flies.  When I come home, there are a few of them on the door.  These things are massive.  They are like giant spiders with wings.  It’s horrible.  When I came home last night there were two resting against the door.  I had a lot of things to bring inside and tried to make my move as quickly as possible, so as not to allow them into the house.  I was in such a hurry that I ended up leaving my key in the door all night.  I think I may have tried kicking the door before opening it, in hopes that would get them to leave.  It didn’t.

They did not come in, but unfortunately, one of their friends was already inside.  In the kitchen.  Hanging out there while I was trying to make myself a wrap for lunch the next day.  Not cool.  It already creeps me out just by being there.  It’s just so much more disturbing for it to be there while I’m making food.  I saw it against the blinds at the window.  I didn’t want it there.  I had to do something.  But I didn’t want to touch it.  So I took out a bottle of Lysol and sprayed it.  Cause you know, that seemed like a good idea.  In hindsight, it wasn’t.  That just made the thing agitated and it began to move very quickly in all sorts of directions without warning.  I can’t imagine why being sprayed by Lysol would make it angry.

I briefly went out of the kitchen as I tried to figure out what to do.  My sister said she would get it if I gave her a shoe.  I said okay.  Maybe my sister would save me from this horrible creature.  I mean that would be really sad that a grown woman can’t deal with it herself, but whatever.  But then she realized she couldn’t hit it with the shoe while the crane fly was on the blinds and she might end up breaking something.  It came towards us and we left the kitchen once again.

It flew around in the dining room, and at one point went close to the floor.  There were shoes around, but instead I grabbed a baseball bat.  Yes.  And you thought the Lysol was a bad idea.  I tried in vain to hit it with the bat against the floor but to no avail.  The thing would just not die.  At one point I thought I very nearly had it but I was mistaken.  That tricky little things got away.  It’s even more unnerving when you suddenly don’t know where it is.  If it’s going to stick around and be alive, I would rather have it in sight so I know what it’s up to.  Once it’s out of sight, it can reappear without warning, and who knows what it might do then.

I continued to carefully make my lunch, all the while I knew it was nearby, sometimes I could hear it, sometimes I couldn’t.  At one point I nearly screamed as it came at me without warning.  Well not really at me, but near me.  Very near me.  And my food.  I wanted to call my sister to come and get rid of it for me like she promised, but by then she was already in her room.  I’m such a horrible older sister.  Apparently she’s braver than I am.  Or I’m just that much of a wimp.

So as it stands now, crane fly 1, me 0.  Yes, I’m only awarding it one point for it’s victory over me.  I’m not really sure what happened to it after that.  I’m hoping it went out the window, never to return again.  When I came home today, there was only one crane fly on the door, and it was smaller than the others I’d seen.  This gives me hope that they might leave us alone and let me be at peace.  But I fear that same one I battled yesterday may still be lurking somewhere, just waiting make it’s presence known.  Well Mr. crane fly, I have my Lysol and my baseball bat ready.  Bring it.

3 thoughts on “Me versus the crane fly

  1. Pingback: The spider in the shower: An epic battle | Random and unnewsworthy

  2. Pingback: The bee in the bedroom: A tale of cowardice | Random and unnewsworthy

  3. Pingback: Tenth day of work selfie | Random and unnewsworthy

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